a new beginning

And so it is a new year...

A new beginning. A fresh start.

It is remarkable how - even though nothing really changes in the transition from December 31st to January 1st - we somehow feel refreshed. As if we have been given a new lease on life. We suddenly have new goals (for the same things), new energy (to tackle the same problems), new hope (for positive change in the same circumstances). We wait in hopeful anticipation of what the new year may bring.

When we have had a particularly rough year - like 2013 has been for many - we are especially eager to wave farewell to the old and expectantly welcome the new.

Even though I have just finished the new testament (and my NLT chronological Bible), I've decided to also start the new year with the new testament (this year taking on the Amplified Bible). After all, that is exactly what it represents: a new beginning, a fresh start. New life.

The very first chapter in the new testament (Matthew 1), describes the birth of Jesus - a promise fulfilled by God, representing the new covenant with His people. Offering a new beginning, a fresh start. Offering a new life to those who, unlike Herod, would accept Him as their Savior - the very meaning of His name (Jesus), also called Emmanuel - 

"God with us"

She will bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus [the Greek form of the Hebrew Joshua, which means Savior], for He will save His people from their sins [that is, prevent them from failing and missing the true end and scope of life, which is God]. All this took place that it might be fulfilled which the Lord had spoken through the prophet, "Behold, the virgin shall become pregnant and give birth to a Son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel–which, when translated, means, God with us." [Isa. 7:14.] (Matthew 1:21-23 AMP)

I would like to start this year having God-with-me. I want to walk it with my Savior, so that I will not miss God - the purpose of life.

Matthew fastforwards 30 odd years to the scene where Jesus is baptized in the Jordan by John the Baptist and the Spirit of God descends on Him. 

I have never noticed this before... In the last verse of Matthew 3, God proclaims His love for Jesus. But in the very next verse starting off Matthew 4, Jesus - led by the Spirit - is tested and tried by satan. Even though He is God's Beloved Son, in Whom He delights...

And behold, a voice from heaven said, This is My Son, My Beloved, in Whom I delight! [Ps. 2:7; Isa. 42:1.] (Matthew 3:17 AMP) THEN JESUS was led (guided) by the [Holy] Spirit into the wilderness (desert) to be tempted (tested and tried) by the devil. (Matthew 4:1 AMP)

Priscilla Shirer (One in a million: journey to your promised land)

called by name - part 2

As I was laying in bed this morning, listening to the rain pouring down - reluctant to start my day. To get up out of my warm and comfortable bed, to face the cold and wet. I considered that I haven't been very active in writing here lately. I have been going through an odd phase. Feeling that I am stagnating. Neglected, abandoned, forgotten.

The weather has not been helping. It's been a long, cold and wet winter. I haven't been able to go out walking with the dogs much - leaving them frustrated, as well as me. It is where I find my inspiration. It grounds me, gives me energy, gathers my spirit... If I do get a chance to take them for a walk though, they are so excited to be out. Dragging me along enthusiastically. The only thing I can focus on is not falling on my face on the slippery, muddy farm roads. 

I have also been reading the 24/7 Chronological Bible, which effectively means that I have been reading the old testament all year. Although I do think it is important to read, I have been struggling through Chronicles, Kings, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel... Which is overwhelmingly doom and gloom. Not easy reading. Not really lifting my spirits. I am starting to feel like the Israelites in their suffering. Punished, abandoned by God, banished from the promised land.

Recently, I have found myself - more than once - flipping through the remainder of my Bible to see when I will finally reach the new testament (as if it will somehow be sooner if I look more often). Considering that I may be backsliding into "the old testament view" of my religion. When people had to earn their salvation by the way they lived and behaved. Before Jesus came to save them from their misery.

But this morning I came upon one of the many gems in the old testament, in Ezekiel 34 (verses 11-24):

The prophet speaks about a God that will search, find and tend his sheep - Himself. A shepherd looking for his scattered flock. Rescuing them, feeding them, bringing them back home. Ending their suffering - not because they deserve it - but because He is a great and holy God (Ezekiel 36:22-24). Giving them good pastureland where they will lie down in peace, in pleasant places, feeding in lush pastures. Searching for the lost and strayed. Bandaging the injured and strengthening the weak. Giving them one shepherd to feed them and be a prince among them. Being their God.

It reminded me of this half written, almost forgotten post - that was meant to be part of called by name - part 1, but seemed to have a mind of its own, developing into a different message, with the same undercurrent. 

That we were each called by name.

called by name - part 1

Maybe it's just me, but for some reason every year as I am approaching yet another birthday, I find myself taking stock of my life. What I think I should have achieved in the year gone by. Where I should be in life. 

Comparing it to my reality. 

I suppose it is human nature to measure these things in material value. Compare yourself to others of similar age, background, education... To be honest - it can be extremely depressing. Demotivating. Disheartening.

So this year, as my birthday was drawing near towards the end of July, I found myself growing increasingly despondent. Feeling unhappy with my life. Another birthday - but still, in all appearances - in exactly the same place as the year before... And the year before...

Unfortunately for me - or maybe rather fortunately - God does not let you off the hook that easily. Sometimes He really has to make us uncomfortably aware of just how skewed we've had it.

And I have come to realize that this past year I have gained so much that can not be measured in material value. That is worth more than silver and gold (Psalm 119:72). Than money and luxury cars and expensive homes. 

During the week of my birthday I was blessed with such beautiful, inspiring scripture that spoke so directly to to me - right here in this place in my life - where I feel that I have fallen short of the world-that-we-live-in's standards. That it could only have been from a God who takes personal interest in us. In our heartaches and disappointments, our hopes and dreams. Even our feelings of insecurity and fear. 

A God who gives hope - when you feel that there is none. A God who cares enough to make you feel special on your birthday - in spite of your negative, ungrateful attitude. A God who loves you more than you would ever know.

come back to Me and live!

This past week a friend was sharing something with me that she is going through. As she was speaking, I could so clearly see her words reflected back at me. At my life. Situations I have been in.

There's been so many times in my past - distant and near - when I have felt uncertain about the future. Worried. Afraid.

When I have felt that God is not with me. That He has abandoned me. That His favour is not over my life. Feeling so far removed from an intimate relationship with my Maker.

That is a dark place to be. Hopeless.

I have learned that - with God - there is no such thing as coincidence. Only confirmation...

So the next morning I came across this scripture in Hosea that so beautifully describes these feelings of loss and insecurity (with the context once again being Israel forsaking their God):

The Lord says that if we return to Him, He will heal us and bandage our wounds. He will restore us "in just a short time". So that we may live in His presence and know Him. The scripture urges you to press on and know Him. Promising that He will respond. Like the arrival of dawn. Like the rain in early spring. Without any doubt! (Hosea 6:1-3)

"...for I am God and not a mere mortal. I am the Holy One living among you..." (Hosea 11:9 NLT)

it's a dog's life - part 2 (Luka)

A while ago I wrote a post about Jasper, one of our two border collies. Ever since, I have had the knowledge in the back of my mind that I had to write something about the other one, Luka too. After all, I can't write about the one and not the other...

But what to write...

Then the other day, I came across a verse in Psalm 36. I wrote about the rest of this passage (verse 5-9) in another post, in the shadow of Your wings. But this little verse somehow did not seem to fit. At odds with the rest of the passage. Standing out. It stuck:

"You care for animals and people alike, O Lord."

Alike. That says something about the importance of animals to God. They are of the same value to Him that we are. God created us in His image. And He gave us authority over animals. To care for them. (Genesis 1:27-28)

This verse made me think of Luka. At 12 years old, she is not the lively little pup she used to be (sadly, I never got to meet that little pup - although she may just have been a bit much for me to handle, by the sound of it). But she certainly is not letting age get to her!

One handicap that she does have is arthritis. Her back legs and hips are the worst affected. It is heart breaking to see the once extremely active dog struggle to get up after laying down for a while, when it's cold. Snap when you accidentally touch a sensitive spot. Not able to do the things she used to.

All because an insensitive, careless human being threw her with half a brick. For barking. The most natural response for any dog. I don't know how anyone can be so cruel, so heartless.

Ironic to see that man now walking with a limp of his own...

God cares for animals and people alike.  

You don't miss a thing

One night last week I went to bed with doubt in my heart. To me - it seems - that God is answering everyone's prayers but mine. And suddenly I am filled with doubt. Does God care about me? Why doesn't He change my circumstances when He can so obviously do it without any effort? Does He even know about me? About my life? My circumstances? Why doesn't He change it when I ask Him to?

And immediately I feel ashamed. Ashamed because I write this blog about faith and trust and belief. And still I doubt... And the enemy comes to kill and destroy. Whispering more words of doubt in my ear. Why do you even bother... You are just wasting your time. What difference does it make anyway?

As I was drifting off to sleep, I thought of people that have asked God for signs. And then more signs to prove that the first one was real. And I pray that He will give me a sign so that I will know that He will come through for me. That He will give me the breakthrough that I have been praying for - for so long. That He will increase my faith and trust and hope in Him.  

The next morning I woke up with words of a song You know me by Bethel Music (The Loft Sessions) playing in my mind: 

"And nothing is hidden from Your sight. Wherever I go, You find me. You know every detail of my life. And You are God. And You don't miss a thing. O, You know me..." 

"You memorize me." 

Doesn't that just say it all? It captures His great love for us.

And as the morning progresses, I get three messages, from three completely unrelated people. Saying that something that I wrote was meant for them. That it inspires them. That it somehow makes a difference to them. 

Whenever I have doubt in my heart about writing this blog, this is what happens - three messages from three individuals, communicated in three different ways. Surely - divine encouragement! God uses you (you know who you are) to encourage me too. Thank you! It means the world to me.

in the shadow of Your wings

I haven't written here for awhile. Mostly because I was fortunate enough to take some much needed time out and travel to Europe for two weeks. But also, even if I did have time to write during the last week of our trip, I was feeling somewhat at a loss on what to write about. Blank.

Sitting on the flight back to Cape Town, I was considering my circumstances at home, feeling myself slip back into despair about the current state of the life I was returning to. Coming to the realization of just how badly I had needed to get away and just forget about everything. Even if it was just for a little while. But sadly (I have to confess), at the same time, also how unashamedly I had neglected my quiet time with God over the past two weeks. I had even taken a break from that!

All things considered - most probably my lack of quiet time goes a long way in explaining my state of mind at the time.

Having just returned from our trip, I was feeling a bit out of sorts. Wondering how I was going to get back into the spiritual routine I had worked so hard to establish. And so easily let slip. Not because God expects it of me, but because I really do need it. Like breathing.

And so, on my first morning back home, I open my Bible to Psalm 36 (verse 5-9):

Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths. You care for people and animals alike, O Lord. How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your river of delights. For you are the fountain of life, the light by which we see.

Even though I had planned to catch up on my shamefully behind daily Bible reading plan, I got stuck right away on this Psalm. And I recall having read words by Priscilla Shirer - something to this extent: When you feel the Word of God leap out of the page and stun you, stop right there. Don't rush ahead with your Bible reading. Because it is the living Word of God at work. It is not some random coincidence. It is God Himself speaking to you through His Word.

Psalm 36 says that God's love for us is unfailing. It is as vast as the heavens. The greatness and extent of God's love for us is so indescribable that David used our only known reference. Creation. The heavens and the clouds. And even that is beyond human grasp.

love thy neighbor

Human nature is a fickle thing. It is unreliable. Inconsistent. Deceptive.

The world teaches us to be self centered. Self involved. Selfish. It is all about me. What I want. What I need. My life.

And I am as guilty as anyone.

We are so wrapped up in our own lives. We forget to ask how someone else is doing. To give an encouraging word. To be a shoulder to lean on. To be available.

Instead, we pick up the phone in feigned concern. To talk about their troubles. Instead of reaching out. We gleefully sympathize with their misfortune, while having our nails done. Instead of reaching out. We can't wait to repeat a story of failure, passionately elaborating on the details. Often drawing our own conclusions. Adding a little extra spice to the gossip. Instead of reaching out. 

Oh, have you heard about so and so....?

Some of us even thrive on that. We would much rather discuss someone behind their backs than trying to be there for them. Because that actually requires effort and time and investment.

We fail to notice when those that are meant to be closest to us are hurting or going through a tough time. Because we are so focused on ourselves. We manage to forget about our closest friends for days or weeks or months on end. Because we are so busy with our own lives.

So, we put on a brave face and pretend that nothing is wrong. We create a front for the world. Carefully constructing a smooth exterior. Glossing over anything that might expose the cracks below the surface. Because God forbid that we should share or open up. God forbid that our vulnerabilities and hurts should be exposed for everyone to see. That anyone should find out. That the world should know our realities. Our shame.

Humanity is a fragile thing. And our hearts hang in the balance.

it's a dog's life - part 1 (Jasper)

Our dog, Jasper, is not a typical border collie. In fact, he is quite unusual. Unlike Luka, the other furry member of our family, who is a border collie in the extreme sense of the breed.

Jasper (apparently that was the only name he would respond to) - or Jassie, as I like to call him - is a runaway. We guess that he was about 1 year old when my husband, Waldo, found him. Malnourished, frightened and most likely abused. Oh but had he known the royal life that was awaiting him!

The sad reality is that, even though they are declared to be the most intelligent of all canine breeds, border collies are often abandoned or neglected, as they are very high energy dogs and need a huge amount of attention. They are not typical family pets and are not generally known to be very child friendly, since they have a tendency to want to herd little children!

I do not really think this was the case with Jassie though... 

sitting for his sip of water

lazy day dreaming

take the first step

In my last post I mentioned that I am reading The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer. Shortly after that post, I was reading a section in the book called Leaving a Godly legacy, in which she describes a scene from Deuteronomy in the Old Testament where Moses is trying to impress upon the Israelites the crucial decisions that they were faced with.

I thought that was a surprising coincidence after my recent post about Moses and the Israelites, when we struggle with doubt. But still, just a coincidence.

The very next day, I read that exact same scripture in Deuteronomy as part of my chronological Bible reading plan...

A little too much coincidence?

I think so. There must be a message in there for me...

puppy love

I have often wondered what it would be like if we could be more like our dogs when it comes to our faith.

I know everyone out there are not dog people. To be honest, I don't get it. Yes, I know that they are a big responsibility. They bark, they are messy, they don't clean up after themselves. And don't even mention the hair!

But I love dogs. Two in particular. They are drawn to me - all shapes and sizes and breeds. I think they sense how much I adore them. For years I have had this deep longing to have one (or two) of my own. I just knew that it would change my life.

When I met my husband Waldo, I didn't think that he was my type, at first... Little did I know. But he had these two adorable border collies. They stole my heart before he did. Jasper was mine from the start - he is easy like that. Luka made me work for it - but now I am one of her select few. God knew my heart.

These dogs and I adopted each other. Absolutely.