Doubt. A tiny bad seed that creeps in between the good, that grows and spreads. Consumes and destroys.
It is what makes us blow things up. Out if proportion. Unrealistically larger than life. It is what makes us worry and question and fear.
It is what made me wait two days before adding my last post. What made me question myself all over again for doing this. It is what makes me worry about the future and question God's timing. His promises. His presence.
I have been reading about Moses and the Israelites. And finding it excruciatingly frustrating. It is not my first attempt at trying to read about them - God's people. And I have given up on them more than once.
They got to experience miracle upon miracle, upon miracle firsthand. And still they doubted. A God that lead them out of slavery, poverty and captivity. A God that parted the seas and gave them manna out of heaven. A God that traveled in their midst by cloud and by fire.
God had to repeatedly tell them: "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, to be your God: I am the Lord your God." Numbers 15:41 NKJV
That says something about our nature, how little faith we have.
I often ask why we still have to read about this. All these laws and rules, the offerings and the punishment. Since Jesus and the new covenant replaced all of that. Voided the law of Moses. Thank God! But there are still many lessons there. If we would open our eyes to see them.
All too often I think of God as warm and fuzzy. Not this fearsome, powerful God of the Old Testament, angry and scary. But with infinite mercy and grace.
Now when the people complained, it displeased the Lord; for the Lord heard it, and His anger was aroused. Numbers 11:1 NKJV
Aren't we good at that? Complaining.
Even Moses struggled with this. Doubts and complaints.
When God told him that He would give them meat to eat, Moses questioned how God will feed six hundred thousand men, making suggestions of his own about how best to do it. And the Lord said to Moses, "Has the Lord's arm been shortened?" Numbers 11:23 NKJV
That sounds all too familiar. Reasoning with God, telling Him how to do things, as if He doesn't know best. As if He is unable to figure it out for Himself.
The author of the Kingdom Dynamics section of my New Spirit Filled Life Bible questions whether it is possible that delays in receiving answers to our prayers may sometimes be caused by a sinful attitude. He goes on to say that repentance and humility may clear the way for God's grace to be revealed more fully.
That is a troubling thought... That it could be because of my attitude that God may be delaying answering my prayers.
When Moses sent out men to spy out the land of Canaan - the promised land - they came back filled with doubts and negative reports. Only Joshua and Caleb thought that they would be able to overcome the overwhelmingly doubtful circumstances and take ownership of God's promise for them, calling on the people to increase their faith in God's promises instead of looking at the impossible circumstances.
Their unbelief and doubt caused them a considerable delay in receiving God's promise for them. Forty years worth of delay!
The Lord is longsuffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty... Numbers 14:18 NKJV
To move ahead we need to have faith and to look to the presence and power of God in the face of impossible circumstances. Doubt and unbelief makes us stumble over difficulties and obstacles, unable to see beyond it - to where God's promises await. His timing is perfect.
