Earlier this week I was walking around with a heavy sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach. One that was becoming progressively worse. It is that ominous feeling of impending dread - the expectation that something horrible is about to happen.
It spreads like a virus from the core of your being. To your mind. To your heart. And your soul. It corrupts your thoughts and your actions. It clouds your judgement.
And no matter how hard you try to shake the feeling, regardless of your best intentions to ignore it, to negotiate it away or rationalise the complete uselessness of it - it just keeps getting worse. Stealing your peace. Taking your joy.
And as I watch the world outside turning from black to grey (after my morning Bible study), I am browsing my Facebook newsfeed. A post by Joyce Meyer Ministries catches my eye - one that I can not for the life of me seem to find again...
But it goes something like this: satan attacks when we are at our weakest. When we are vulnerable and scared. He makes you wake in the middle of the night - in a panic about things that you can do absolutely nothing about right then. Things that seem so much worse in the dark of night. And a little less scary when daylight comes. But you suddenly develop an overwhelming urge to resolve the worries of the world in the darkest hours of the night. When you need the sleep that refreshes and restores.
This is also true for when we experience a setback or disappointment in life. He finds a tiny gap and poisons it with his lies, until it becomes a gaping hole for him to launch a full-on attack. His mission: to destroy.
Ephesians 2:2 calls satan the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the father of lies and deceit and destruction. And he does not fight fair.
In John 8:44 Jesus says about satan: "He does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a falsehood, he speaks what is natural to him, for he is a liar himself and the father of lies and of all that is false." And in verse 47: "Whoever is of God listens to God. Those who belong to God hear the words of God."
From my last post - battlefield of the mind - you may notice that I have been struggling with this. Wading through the lies and deceit. To get to the truth behind it.
And it is not easy. When you are trying to do things the right way, God's way, satan goes out of his way to make it difficult and painful. When you are already having a hard time dealing with what life has thrown at you - he makes you question yourself, your life, your God. He is relentless and harsh and in-your-face.
In comparison - that still small voice can easily be drowned in the chaos. And we end up having to learn that lesson again. Because we missed what God was saying. Forgetting to let Him be God in your life.
And He said, Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord. And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of gentle stillness and a still, small voice. 1 Kings 19:11-12 AMP
...be attentive to my Wisdom, godly Wisdom learned by actual and costly experience, and incline your ear to my understanding of what is becoming and prudent for you, That you may exercise proper discrimination and discretion and your lips may guard and keep knowledge and the wise answer to temptation. Proverbs 5:1-2 AMP
God uses people to speak into your life. To make you realise that you were believing the lies. And to help you deal with the situation - in His way. But He does work in mysterious ways too. And sometimes He even uses my own writing to get through to me. I might not have interpreted the message in the intended way at first. But it is there - undeniably. And I realise that He was preparing me. That He does not abandon me. And He will never fail me.
