Perspective

By Marti-Mari Kellerman

In the space of a short few weeks our lives have changed dramatically. Many people all over the world would, a mere month ago, not have been able to fathom this strange new reality. Many of us took our daily routines for granted. Being able to meet with family and friends. Going to work or school, being able to go to church, the gym or out shopping. A walk, a run or cycle out in nature. To name but a few. Little did we know how drastically all of this was about to change. In a heartbeat. Our very freedom of being able to do and go as we please, taken away in an instant.

South Africans are in our second week of “lockdown”. We have been told to stay home, to stay safe. Much like the rest of the world. 87% of the world’s children reported as currently being unable to attend school. Each family effectively locked into their own home. Only allowed to leave for emergency services like medical care or basic necessities. That is now the law. Unless you are a healthcare or essential worker.

But this excess of time that was so unceremoniously dumped into our laps is also a rare and special gift. One that should be embraced and cherished. To draw near to God, focus on spiritual growth and time in the Word. To spend quality time with our families. To do fun activities with our kids. To catch up on rest and sleep. To exercise and get fit. To do all the things we never seem to have time for at home. To learn a new skill or dust off an old one. To slow down. And just be.

If you ask anyone that know me well, they would know that my challenge in life these days is balance. Not enough time. I struggle with keeping all the precious balls of modern day life in the air. To manage all the things that is expected of me. As a mother, a wife, a daughter and sister, a small business owner, a home maker, friend or colleague. Not even to mention self-care or staying healthy and fit. Or spending time with God, growing my faith. Sometimes it just gets too much. Overwhelming. And I always seem to fall short. Somewhere. To drop one of those precariously balanced balls...

So I guess in the current circumstances, the word that resonates with me most is “perspective”.

The dictionary defines it as:
"the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance"; "a particular attitude towards or way of regarding something; a point of view"; "a particular perspective is a particular way of thinking about something, especially one that is influenced by your beliefs or experiences".

Let’s face it. We are all in this together. And each of us will be affected in one way or another. Through our health. Our financial security, work/job stability or ability to generate income. Emotional trauma of being unable to be with our loved ones. Or having to take the daily risk of going to work as a healthcare or essential service worker. And not being able to stay home.

So do we focus on our fears and anxieties? Our worries and concerns about the future? Do we get tangled up in the web of uncertainty and doubt? In the, now very unknown, expectation of our futures and financial security. Our ability to meet all the demands life has been throwing at us. Whether we would be able to recover from all of this in the end?

Or do we choose to see the silver lining? The calm inside the storm? The gift amidst the chaos?

During the early days, when it was just becoming apparent that South Africa was the latest victim on the Corona virus’s ever expanding hit list. And the government was just introducing the concept of social distancing. I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling suddenly anxious and afraid. And this scripture was a whisper in the dark.

2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:2-5‬ ‭AMP‬‬: “Grace to you and peace [inner calm and spiritual well-being] from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed [gratefully praised and adored] be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts and encourages us in every trouble so that we will be able to comfort and encourage those who are in any kind of trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as Christ’s sufferings are ours in abundance [as they overflow to His followers], so also our comfort [our reassurance, our encouragement, our consolation] is abundant through Christ [it is truly more than enough to endure what we must].”

If we keep our eyes on God, He will give us peace. Inner calm and spiritual well-being. He will comfort us and encourage us in our time of trouble and uncertainty. So that we can also comfort others. The Word promises reassurance, encouragement and consolation. In abundance. More than enough to endure what we must!

Paul goes on to say that they had felt as if they had a received a death sentence. That they were even convinced that they would die. But that it had happened so that they would not trust in themselves, but in God who raises the dead. That they had set their hopes on Him, as He had rescued them from the threat of death and would continue to rescue them. They were convinced that He would rescue them again from danger and draw them near. While the prayers of the church joined in helping them. They said that many people would be thankful for the “gracious gift of deliverance” that was granted to them through the prayers of many believers... 2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:9-11‬ ‭AMP‬‬

I believe that this scripture confirms that God would rescue us from the "threat of death" - this deadly virus. He is able to raise the dead! He will also rescue us from this threat we are facing. But we must not trust in ourselves. Or our own selfish needs and desires right now. But set our hopes on Him, lift our eyes to Him. Seek Him and His instruction by reading His Word. And pray!

What is our perspective?

Will be give in to our fears and anxieties about the future? Do we worry about circumstances we have no control over? Do we complain and grumble about having to stay home, our kids, our boredom, our frustrations?

Or do we hope? Do we believe. And grow? Do we pray. And focus on the positive?

Nothing will ever be the same. Ever again.

We do not yet know what our new reality will look like. But in a world after this, my hope is that we will emerge to live on an elevated level. Not just having endured what we must. But also growing in the process. That we will live intentionally. With purpose. And with gratitude. Our minds and hearts forever changed.

Never again will we take for granted the things we once had. Human contact. Spending time with loved ones. Being able to go places freely. Being able to move and interact. Having a job and the ability to earn an income. Being thankful for our blessings. Our homes and families. Our health and livelihoods.

It's all about Grace... mx

thespaceforgrace.blogspot.com 

A life of Purpose in a changed world.

By Marti-Mari Kellerman

We are living in a changed world.

In the space of a short few weeks the virus, that most of us have only heard about vaguely from other parts of the world, now the buzz word on everybody’s lips. There is barely a conversation where it is not mentioned. This plague, like some medieval horror from our worst nightmares, has spread like a wild fire. Consuming the entire world in its wake. Changing our realities. Instantaneously. Shaking the very core of our existence.

Human beings are strange creatures. Panic buying, stock piling and mass hysteria - suddenly at the order of the day. The air is thick with fear, anxiety and speculation. Words like "social distancing" and “self isolation" suddenly part of our daily vocabulary. We have been preparing for "lock-down". Yet we have no idea what it is that needs to be done. A concept so foreign, the very word making us scramble in panic. One only a rare few has ever had to fathom. Yet it now has the entire world in its grip.

This virus is showcasing the very worst of humanity. Selfishness. Greed. Paranoia. Fear. Ignorance.

And at the same time, the very best. We are seeing acts of extreme selflessness. Generosity. Unity. Hope. Faith.

It is 4:00 am. My 2,5 year old scrambles into bed beside me. She snuggles up close and falls asleep immediately. I don’t sleep well with them in my space. But today I don’t take her back to her own bed right away. Her even breathing calms my anxious thoughts. That same breathing terrifying me all at once...

I am terrified of what all of this means. Of the isolation we have to endure. Of being kept away from family and friends amidst this frightful time. The stress, uncertainty and frustration. Of being self-employed at a time like this. Of emotional distress, financial loss and economic failure. Of inadequate medical facilities, care, supplies and staff. Of a world that will be unrecognizable at the end of this. Of possibly not being there for the end of it. Or having to sacrifice a loved one to its horror.

Yet I am so very grateful. For loved ones: family and friends, even though we are apart. For my family that is with me, where I can hold them close. For my health and that of my children. For their warm little bodies in my arms. For a home filled with their love and laughter (and often crying and fighting). Of tight hugs and sloppy kisses. For the support of my spiritual and fitness families. For a home with space and all the amenities I could possibly need at a time like this. For a little bit of outdoor space and a glimpse of nature out there, blissfully unaware of how much (in the blink of an eye) it has all changed. For being able to see the sunrise, mountains and vineyards from my window. For the financial capacity to be prepared to some degree, even if means going into debt. For food on the table. For shelter and security. For being so much more fortunate than so many others out there, especially at a time like this. Where mere weeks ago it didn’t possibly seem enough. When I thought I had the world on my shoulders...

And my heart bleeds for those who are not as lucky. For the homeless and unemployed. For those who live in the townships and squatter camps. On top of each other, with no personal space. For those who live hand to mouth. And cannot afford to stay home without an income. For people who will not have food on the table or a safe place to live. For the children of the less advantaged. For those who will be completely alone or without support. For people in abusive, destructive relationships. Or in the midst of a horrible divorce. For those that will have to tolerate the unimaginable. For those whose health are already compromised. Or who falls under the “high risk categories”. For sick and vulnerable children. For the elderly. For our government and those making the hard decisions on our behalf. For healthcare and essential workers. For those who will get sick or have to be hospitalized. For the families who will be directly affected.

It is 6:30 am. My 5 year old crawls into bed with me. She is warm and sleepy beside me. Her body melts into mine. I hold her tight. Content in the moment... My youngest bursts into the room and wrestles for her space in the bed. For a few minutes we are packed tight like sardines in a can. My heart swells and expands. Bursting with love for my little people. And all is well in the world.

Social media has, in recent weeks, exploded like the virus itself. Nearly every single post paying tribute to this thing that is consuming the world. Some are positive and uplifting. Many are concerning or downright terrifying. Compounding our worries. Driving our anxieties. Fueling our fear.

One post in particular (source unknown) has stood out for me:

How great is our God. We're on lock-down by government arrangement from 26 March 2020 and the Bible verse Isaiah 26:20 says “Go home, my people and lock your doors! Hide yourself for a little while until the Lords’s anger has passed.”

The timing is surely His. Amazing!! The Lord commanded a lock-down during Passover in Egypt... when the Angel of death passed over the Israelites when protected by the blood of the lamb - Thursday the 16th of April is when Passover ends.

As you all know that's when our lock-down is lifted... 21 days is on April the 16th. God’s timing. Incredible. Amen and Amen! We are all protected. Stay at home. Be at peace. Our God is in control and He knows what He's doing. Thank You Heavenly Father!

The world is facing a war with an invisible, yet very deadly enemy. Satan has unleashed his powers of destruction on the earth. Yet he is not the all powerful one. Nor the omnipresent.

all for Your glory, God

We don't always understand why "bad" or hard things happen to us. Why we have to go through setbacks. Disappointments. Challenging times.

I honestly don't.

Some of us just seem to have more than our fair share of these periods of difficulty thrown at us by life. I am definitely one of those people. Nothing seems to ever be straightforward. Or easy. Always a fight. Always a challenge.

I don't know if I make it more difficult than it needs to be... Unaccepting. Over analyzing. Offering excessive resistance. 

The question remains: Why does God allow it?

Struggling through an especially persistent phase of challenge, in my quest to determine it's purpose - I have come to a recent revelation: It is to show His glory.

Blessed | Matthew 5:4 from Moving Works on Vimeo.

it's all about faith

I haven't been writing for a while... The more time goes by, the easier it becomes not to. The less time I seem to have. The more excuses I find. And the easier it will be to stop altogether. 

I have come to realize that if I don't get back into it soon, that is exactly what will happen.

The truth is that I have really been struggling lately. Hitting an all time low. Refusing to let me out of its debilitating grip. Squeezing. Suffocating.

Ironically, just before it happened, I got several messages urging me to never stop doing this. Ever. So, somewhere at the back of my mind, I know that I still have to do it. I feel a sense of responsibility to keep going, because this is not just about me or for me anymore - as much as I'd like to argue otherwise. And I have learned that the hardest, most painful things to write, are usually what means the most to others.

This year - one that I was hoping would be the year of breakthrough for us - has really (no sugar coating) been an exceptionally rough one for me. A series of crushing disappointments. On multiple levels of my life. Seemingly the more I pray, trust, hope... beg. The worse it's become. Until I have come to a point where I am unable to do it anymore. Doubting my faith. Questioning my God.

To some degree, I have actually been afraid to write. Of what I might write. Catapulting from a spiritual high to an extreme low, is in itself a disappointing blow to me. 

I've come to a point where I don't want to go to church. Or do mentoring. Or pray. I don't want to talk about it anymore, because I am honestly sick to death of all the cliches: "God has something bigger, better planned for you. Everything will work out... in His time. There is a plan and a purpose with all of this"... I am tired of hearing how things are working out so perfectly for others - magically falling into place by some or other miracle. It all just seems so futile. Like some cruel, twisted joke. And even though I still read my Bible on most days, I find a disturbing feeling welling up inside of me. Silently, disdainfully scoffing at the message. Angry at God. Not believing a word. Because how do you believe when things just keep going from bad to worse?

I must say... I have been sufficiently chastised. From various angles. My husband. Friends. A sermon meant specifically for me. Because my attitude needs some serious revision. I need to see this as an opportunity to grow and learn. To quit feeling so damned sorry for myself. Making it all about me. Because it's not. 

In the end it's all about faith.

Granted - It is not always easy to have faith. Especially if you are trusting God for something that just does not seem to happen. And doesn't look like it is going to...

(Encouraging word by Priscilla Shirer - a mighty woman of God. Incredibly inspiring when I need a boost of faith)

the power of words

This post started out as something different altogether. Something a little less optimistic.

I am in a phase of my life where I often feel discouraged. Where - most of the time - life does not seem fair. Where things are not working out the way I had hoped.

When I am there - I tend to put a negative spin on things. I come up against a wall of bad news. Disappointments. Unanswered prayers. And no matter how hard I try to stay optimistic. To look on the bright side. To see some kind of silver lining or ray of light at the end of a dark tunnel... 
Some days, it is just really hard.

I find myself sinking into despair. Thoughts flashing in my mind - like a snake spitting venom. It stings. And like some trapped, scared little bird it flutters around anxiously. Agitated. Wreaking havoc. Threatening to spill out of my mouth in a string of dark words - once out, never to be taken back.

But it is then that I have to take care in what I do allow to come out of my mouth. It is during those times that we have to be really careful about what we say. 

I have been called out on it several times. I have been told to speak life. 

Only starting to realize the importance of what I say. The power of words. The damage they could cause.

As the saying goes - the pen is mightier than the sword. The same goes for the spoken word... So few people realize the consequences of what their words can do to themselves and others. Carelessly saying whatever they feel like. Whatever pops into their minds.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 NLT

(source unknown)

countless wonders

Creation. God's amazing masterpiece. What we see around us every day.

It is something I have been meaning to write about for some time. But it is such an awe inspiring, beautifully overwhelming thing. That I have found it hard to put the right words to it. Maybe because there are none. Human words can not grasp it.

My favourite time of day is just before the sun sets. Everything is bathed in hues of yellow and gold. Making the world appear soft and friendly. A happy place.

For years I didn't spend much time outdoors. I have an office job. And I am not sporty. So by default I don't get outside much. Since I have started walking our dogs however, I spend time in the same little part of nature on most days.

The thing that never ceases to amaze me is how different that little bit of world is from one day to the next. It changes. Constantly. Not one day is the same.

The backdrop is painted in different colours, with strokes of cloud and sky. Some days have flawlessly blue skies with sunshine enhancing the colour of every little detail. Other days are gloomy and dark, seeped in shades of gray, rain drenching the earth with its goodness.

"Both day and night belong to you; you made the starlight and the sun. You set the boundaries of the earth, and made both summer and winter." (Psalm 74:16-17 NLT)

Weather. Seasons. Birds. Animals. Even my state of mind. It all influences what that part of nature looks like. Sounds like. Feels like. And it is different. Every day.

And that is just looking from one individual's perspective, at one part of the day, in one tiny part of the world - as we know it. 

On one particular day, it is different from one hour to the next. Imagine the countless variations every day, at every hour, in every part of creation. Each day, each hour is a masterpiece. Created for our pleasure. And each of us experience it in our own unique way.

"The heavens are Yours, and the earth is Yours; everything in the world is Yours - You created it all. You created north and south." (Psalm 89:11-12 NLT)

trust without borders - part 3

In my mind's eye I have this image of a lake. It is set next to a range of smaller valleys and hills. Calm and smooth as a mirror. The time of day must be dusk, because all the colours are fading away and everything is painted in shades of grey. One colour flowing into the next, with only the contrast of dark and light that differentiates shapes. Reflections glimmering on the surface of the water.

The image is tranquil. Calm and soothing.

For some reason I imagine this to be a place where Jesus would be. Maybe from the scene where Jesus was teaching the multitudes at the Sea of Galilee (also called the Lake of Gennesaret). After the crowds have left. So I look for Him on the far shore and for a moment I see a profile in the shadows. But it must be my imagination playing tricks on me. There is no-one there.

Then, totally unexpected, I feel a tender embrace from behind me. And I realise that, even though I don't always see Him, He is always there. Carrying me through whatever my situation is. With tender love and support.

I will call upon your name. Keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in your embrace. I am Yours and You are mine. (Oceans, Hillsong United)

You may have noticed that this song is of special significance to me (for reasons not completely known to me). As I mentioned in my first post about it, trust without borders - part 1 - it touches my spirit. Every time I listen to it, it seems to give me a new message. A deeper meaning.

So, quite understandably, when they gave this song special attention during the opening ceremony of the recent Hillsong Colour Conference in Cape Town, which I had the priveledge of attending earlier in April - I was elated. Overcome by emotion.

I thought that it was beautiful and special and awesome. But I didn't make much more of it. I didn't read a deeper meaning into it. Or think that it had special significance for me. At the time, I thought that it was pure coincidence.

love thy neighbor

Human nature is a fickle thing. It is unreliable. Inconsistent. Deceptive.

The world teaches us to be self centered. Self involved. Selfish. It is all about me. What I want. What I need. My life.

And I am as guilty as anyone.

We are so wrapped up in our own lives. We forget to ask how someone else is doing. To give an encouraging word. To be a shoulder to lean on. To be available.

Instead, we pick up the phone in feigned concern. To talk about their troubles. Instead of reaching out. We gleefully sympathize with their misfortune, while having our nails done. Instead of reaching out. We can't wait to repeat a story of failure, passionately elaborating on the details. Often drawing our own conclusions. Adding a little extra spice to the gossip. Instead of reaching out. 

Oh, have you heard about so and so....?

Some of us even thrive on that. We would much rather discuss someone behind their backs than trying to be there for them. Because that actually requires effort and time and investment.

We fail to notice when those that are meant to be closest to us are hurting or going through a tough time. Because we are so focused on ourselves. We manage to forget about our closest friends for days or weeks or months on end. Because we are so busy with our own lives.

So, we put on a brave face and pretend that nothing is wrong. We create a front for the world. Carefully constructing a smooth exterior. Glossing over anything that might expose the cracks below the surface. Because God forbid that we should share or open up. God forbid that our vulnerabilities and hurts should be exposed for everyone to see. That anyone should find out. That the world should know our realities. Our shame.

Humanity is a fragile thing. And our hearts hang in the balance.

undeserved grace

I wrote this post more than a week ago, but was reluctant to publish it. To let it go out into the world. Because it is so very personal. Because it was written from a place of deep hurt and brokenness. From a place of entitlement. A certainty that I deserved more than this life I have been given. It exposes my vulnerability, my insecurities, my fear.

Today I realized that in writing this, was a turning point for me. I came to the realization that God has been making some monumental shifts in my mind, in my heart, in my spirit. I have come so amazingly far in such an incredibly short space of time. And I continue to grow spiritually every day. Even though materially I am not doing so well, my soul has never been in better shape. So He must be working in me. Because I used to be a glass-half-empty kind of person. Now I am leaning towards glass-brimming-over. Now I choose to be optimistic. Learning to see God as my Source. My Provider. And I know that I will be more than just okay.      

If I am one thing, it is that I am hard on myself.

When I do something, I must give 110% and be the best at doing it, or it won't be good enough. I set myself up to fail, because I can not possibly meet the standards that I set for myself. No one can.

And still, I am upset when I don't measure up.

I have been confronted with some harsh realities about myself recently. And it is going to be really hard to put it out there. Because it is so incredibly personal. And once I have it there - out in the open, in black and white - I can never go back.

Your grace is enough

Truth be told, I didn't really think about the name of this blog for very long. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. And it seemed right.

Grace...

This word has already come up so many times this year. It seems to be my word for where I am in my life right now. I have read it online, in books and in the Bible. I have heard it in so many places. I have seen it and experienced it.

I need it. Lots of it!

And I am expecting it. God's grace.

trust without borders - part 1

Sometimes I struggle with trust.

The world we live in makes it hard for us to trust. People make it hard for us to trust. But we forget that God is not like people. He is not like the world.

Trusting Him should be easy. It is something that I aspire to - trusting God completely.

I always listen to the words of songs. To my husband's frustration. He says that I spoil the songs for him by pointing out words that don't make sense. But it is actually the words that spoil the song. To me it is not just about a beautiful melody or a catchy tune. It has to mean something.

The lyrics of this beautiful song by Hillsong United touch my spirit. It resonates with my heart.

This is what I long for in my life right now. Trust without borders. For my faith to be made stronger in the presence of my Saviour.

Oceans (where my feet may fail) - Hillsong United