One night last week I went to bed with doubt in my heart. To me - it seems - that God is answering everyone's prayers but mine. And suddenly I am filled with doubt. Does God care about me? Why doesn't He change my circumstances when He can so obviously do it without any effort? Does He even know about me? About my life? My circumstances? Why doesn't He change it when I ask Him to?
And immediately I feel ashamed. Ashamed because I write this blog about faith and trust and belief. And still I doubt... And the enemy comes to kill and destroy. Whispering more words of doubt in my ear. Why do you even bother... You are just wasting your time. What difference does it make anyway?
As I was drifting off to sleep, I thought of people that have asked God for signs. And then more signs to prove that the first one was real. And I pray that He will give me a sign so that I will know that He will come through for me. That He will give me the breakthrough that I have been praying for - for so long. That He will increase my faith and trust and hope in Him.
The next morning I woke up with words of a song You know me by Bethel Music (The Loft Sessions) playing in my mind:
Doesn't that just say it all? It captures His great love for us.
And as the morning progresses, I get three messages, from three completely unrelated people. Saying that something that I wrote was meant for them. That it inspires them. That it somehow makes a difference to them.
Whenever I have doubt in my heart about writing this blog, this is what happens - three messages from three individuals, communicated in three different ways. Surely - divine encouragement! God uses you (you know who you are) to encourage me too. Thank you! It means the world to me.
"And nothing is hidden from Your sight. Wherever I go, You find me. You know every detail of my life. And You are God. And You don't miss a thing. O, You know me..."
"You memorize me."
Doesn't that just say it all? It captures His great love for us.
And as the morning progresses, I get three messages, from three completely unrelated people. Saying that something that I wrote was meant for them. That it inspires them. That it somehow makes a difference to them.
Whenever I have doubt in my heart about writing this blog, this is what happens - three messages from three individuals, communicated in three different ways. Surely - divine encouragement! God uses you (you know who you are) to encourage me too. Thank you! It means the world to me.
Many people have written about how we were fearfully and wonderfully made, so I guess this is my version of it...
The beautiful Psalm 139 says that God knows everything about me. When I sit down. And when I stand up. He knows my thoughts. When I travel. And when I am home. He knows everything I do. He knows what I am going to say before I say it. He goes before me. And He follows me... He places His hand of blessing on my head. As the Psalm says: Such knowledge is too wonderful for me to understand. I can never escape Your Spirit! I can never get away from Your presence! (verse 1-7)
Psalm 139 goes on to explain how God made me and designed me in great detail and complexity, watching as I was formed and growing in my mother's womb. It says: You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment laid out before a single day had passed. His thoughts about me are precious. They outnumber even the grains of sand! (verse 13-18)
Psalm 38:9 says: You know what I long for, You hear my every sigh.
Surely a God that has taken so much care and compassion with me, so much interest - who had planned my life in great detail - before I was even born - cares about my life right now. About what happens to me. About what I need. Even about what I want. And He will not leave me. He will not fail me now.
And just to confirm that, as I am mulling all of this through in my mind, a friend texts me an encouraging message: Quit being worried, stressed out, wondering if it will happen. God has you in the palm of His hand. He has never once failed before, and the good news is, He is not about to start now. (Joel Osteen Ministries)
So if God comes through for me in the little things. My worries. My insecurities. My fears. How much more will He come through for me (and for you) in the big things? The ones that really matter. We just need to learn to be patient and wait for His time.
It's all about Grace... mx
