Perspective

By Marti-Mari Kellerman

In the space of a short few weeks our lives have changed dramatically. Many people all over the world would, a mere month ago, not have been able to fathom this strange new reality. Many of us took our daily routines for granted. Being able to meet with family and friends. Going to work or school, being able to go to church, the gym or out shopping. A walk, a run or cycle out in nature. To name but a few. Little did we know how drastically all of this was about to change. In a heartbeat. Our very freedom of being able to do and go as we please, taken away in an instant.

South Africans are in our second week of “lockdown”. We have been told to stay home, to stay safe. Much like the rest of the world. 87% of the world’s children reported as currently being unable to attend school. Each family effectively locked into their own home. Only allowed to leave for emergency services like medical care or basic necessities. That is now the law. Unless you are a healthcare or essential worker.

But this excess of time that was so unceremoniously dumped into our laps is also a rare and special gift. One that should be embraced and cherished. To draw near to God, focus on spiritual growth and time in the Word. To spend quality time with our families. To do fun activities with our kids. To catch up on rest and sleep. To exercise and get fit. To do all the things we never seem to have time for at home. To learn a new skill or dust off an old one. To slow down. And just be.

If you ask anyone that know me well, they would know that my challenge in life these days is balance. Not enough time. I struggle with keeping all the precious balls of modern day life in the air. To manage all the things that is expected of me. As a mother, a wife, a daughter and sister, a small business owner, a home maker, friend or colleague. Not even to mention self-care or staying healthy and fit. Or spending time with God, growing my faith. Sometimes it just gets too much. Overwhelming. And I always seem to fall short. Somewhere. To drop one of those precariously balanced balls...

So I guess in the current circumstances, the word that resonates with me most is “perspective”.

The dictionary defines it as:
"the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance"; "a particular attitude towards or way of regarding something; a point of view"; "a particular perspective is a particular way of thinking about something, especially one that is influenced by your beliefs or experiences".

Let’s face it. We are all in this together. And each of us will be affected in one way or another. Through our health. Our financial security, work/job stability or ability to generate income. Emotional trauma of being unable to be with our loved ones. Or having to take the daily risk of going to work as a healthcare or essential service worker. And not being able to stay home.

So do we focus on our fears and anxieties? Our worries and concerns about the future? Do we get tangled up in the web of uncertainty and doubt? In the, now very unknown, expectation of our futures and financial security. Our ability to meet all the demands life has been throwing at us. Whether we would be able to recover from all of this in the end?

Or do we choose to see the silver lining? The calm inside the storm? The gift amidst the chaos?

During the early days, when it was just becoming apparent that South Africa was the latest victim on the Corona virus’s ever expanding hit list. And the government was just introducing the concept of social distancing. I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling suddenly anxious and afraid. And this scripture was a whisper in the dark.

2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:2-5‬ ‭AMP‬‬: “Grace to you and peace [inner calm and spiritual well-being] from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed [gratefully praised and adored] be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts and encourages us in every trouble so that we will be able to comfort and encourage those who are in any kind of trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as Christ’s sufferings are ours in abundance [as they overflow to His followers], so also our comfort [our reassurance, our encouragement, our consolation] is abundant through Christ [it is truly more than enough to endure what we must].”

If we keep our eyes on God, He will give us peace. Inner calm and spiritual well-being. He will comfort us and encourage us in our time of trouble and uncertainty. So that we can also comfort others. The Word promises reassurance, encouragement and consolation. In abundance. More than enough to endure what we must!

Paul goes on to say that they had felt as if they had a received a death sentence. That they were even convinced that they would die. But that it had happened so that they would not trust in themselves, but in God who raises the dead. That they had set their hopes on Him, as He had rescued them from the threat of death and would continue to rescue them. They were convinced that He would rescue them again from danger and draw them near. While the prayers of the church joined in helping them. They said that many people would be thankful for the “gracious gift of deliverance” that was granted to them through the prayers of many believers... 2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:9-11‬ ‭AMP‬‬

I believe that this scripture confirms that God would rescue us from the "threat of death" - this deadly virus. He is able to raise the dead! He will also rescue us from this threat we are facing. But we must not trust in ourselves. Or our own selfish needs and desires right now. But set our hopes on Him, lift our eyes to Him. Seek Him and His instruction by reading His Word. And pray!

What is our perspective?

Will be give in to our fears and anxieties about the future? Do we worry about circumstances we have no control over? Do we complain and grumble about having to stay home, our kids, our boredom, our frustrations?

Or do we hope? Do we believe. And grow? Do we pray. And focus on the positive?

Nothing will ever be the same. Ever again.

We do not yet know what our new reality will look like. But in a world after this, my hope is that we will emerge to live on an elevated level. Not just having endured what we must. But also growing in the process. That we will live intentionally. With purpose. And with gratitude. Our minds and hearts forever changed.

Never again will we take for granted the things we once had. Human contact. Spending time with loved ones. Being able to go places freely. Being able to move and interact. Having a job and the ability to earn an income. Being thankful for our blessings. Our homes and families. Our health and livelihoods.

It's all about Grace... mx

thespaceforgrace.blogspot.com 

a new beginning

And so it is a new year...

A new beginning. A fresh start.

It is remarkable how - even though nothing really changes in the transition from December 31st to January 1st - we somehow feel refreshed. As if we have been given a new lease on life. We suddenly have new goals (for the same things), new energy (to tackle the same problems), new hope (for positive change in the same circumstances). We wait in hopeful anticipation of what the new year may bring.

When we have had a particularly rough year - like 2013 has been for many - we are especially eager to wave farewell to the old and expectantly welcome the new.

Even though I have just finished the new testament (and my NLT chronological Bible), I've decided to also start the new year with the new testament (this year taking on the Amplified Bible). After all, that is exactly what it represents: a new beginning, a fresh start. New life.

The very first chapter in the new testament (Matthew 1), describes the birth of Jesus - a promise fulfilled by God, representing the new covenant with His people. Offering a new beginning, a fresh start. Offering a new life to those who, unlike Herod, would accept Him as their Savior - the very meaning of His name (Jesus), also called Emmanuel - 

"God with us"

She will bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus [the Greek form of the Hebrew Joshua, which means Savior], for He will save His people from their sins [that is, prevent them from failing and missing the true end and scope of life, which is God]. All this took place that it might be fulfilled which the Lord had spoken through the prophet, "Behold, the virgin shall become pregnant and give birth to a Son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel–which, when translated, means, God with us." [Isa. 7:14.] (Matthew 1:21-23 AMP)

I would like to start this year having God-with-me. I want to walk it with my Savior, so that I will not miss God - the purpose of life.

Matthew fastforwards 30 odd years to the scene where Jesus is baptized in the Jordan by John the Baptist and the Spirit of God descends on Him. 

I have never noticed this before... In the last verse of Matthew 3, God proclaims His love for Jesus. But in the very next verse starting off Matthew 4, Jesus - led by the Spirit - is tested and tried by satan. Even though He is God's Beloved Son, in Whom He delights...

And behold, a voice from heaven said, This is My Son, My Beloved, in Whom I delight! [Ps. 2:7; Isa. 42:1.] (Matthew 3:17 AMP) THEN JESUS was led (guided) by the [Holy] Spirit into the wilderness (desert) to be tempted (tested and tried) by the devil. (Matthew 4:1 AMP)

Priscilla Shirer (One in a million: journey to your promised land)

treasure in fragile jars of clay

I've heard that there are four external life events that are the most stressful, or traumatic, experiences that any human being will inevitably face in a lifetime. 

1. The loss or death of a loved one

2. Divorce or breakup of a long term relationship

3. Moving house (or country)

4. Changing jobs or careers

Obviously there are many other things that could be just as traumatic - although probably not experienced by everyone. Some even more so (such as a multitude of health factors, financial loss or poverty, injury or accident, violence or crime, death...) But for the sake of my argument, let's just stick to those four, for the moment.

Five years ago, I experienced three of the four. In the space of a year. Some, more than once. 

The failure of a seven year relationship set the wheels in motion. (Which to me, at the time, pretty much felt like someone dying). I moved three times, including country and continent. And back again. (Not counting a temporary move to my parents' house or the three friends whose couches and spare bedrooms I occupied temporarily on arrival in the UK). In the process I also changed jobs and started my own business.

To me, that had been the most difficult year of my life. In the aftermath - having tried dealing with it in my own way (and failing) - I was not coping too well and felt myself slipping into depression. 

Five years later, considering this past year, I am confident that this last one had been harder. A completely different set of circumstances. Not nearly as life changing - on the contrary the lack of change, to a large extent, has been the main issue - it has been incredibly challenging.

Not yet quite ready to share all that has happened (and not happened) this year, I must admit, I've been a bit of an emotional wreck. Having said that, I am - amazingly - dealing with it much better than I did five years ago.

I believe the major, crucial difference is faith.

Then - I went to church very infrequently. I didn't read my Bible or pray much. I had vague doubts about whether there really is a God or not. At the time, He just seemed like an abstract concept, very far removed from my life.

Now - having been on a spiritual journey for some time now, making a conscious effort to grow spiritually and experience my faith - it is just less daunting to deal with struggles and disappointment. Without letting it crush you. Less lonely. Even though it has been an emotional roller coaster, very trying at times - I am not depressed. 

all for Your glory, God

We don't always understand why "bad" or hard things happen to us. Why we have to go through setbacks. Disappointments. Challenging times.

I honestly don't.

Some of us just seem to have more than our fair share of these periods of difficulty thrown at us by life. I am definitely one of those people. Nothing seems to ever be straightforward. Or easy. Always a fight. Always a challenge.

I don't know if I make it more difficult than it needs to be... Unaccepting. Over analyzing. Offering excessive resistance. 

The question remains: Why does God allow it?

Struggling through an especially persistent phase of challenge, in my quest to determine it's purpose - I have come to a recent revelation: It is to show His glory.

Blessed | Matthew 5:4 from Moving Works on Vimeo.

it's all about faith

I haven't been writing for a while... The more time goes by, the easier it becomes not to. The less time I seem to have. The more excuses I find. And the easier it will be to stop altogether. 

I have come to realize that if I don't get back into it soon, that is exactly what will happen.

The truth is that I have really been struggling lately. Hitting an all time low. Refusing to let me out of its debilitating grip. Squeezing. Suffocating.

Ironically, just before it happened, I got several messages urging me to never stop doing this. Ever. So, somewhere at the back of my mind, I know that I still have to do it. I feel a sense of responsibility to keep going, because this is not just about me or for me anymore - as much as I'd like to argue otherwise. And I have learned that the hardest, most painful things to write, are usually what means the most to others.

This year - one that I was hoping would be the year of breakthrough for us - has really (no sugar coating) been an exceptionally rough one for me. A series of crushing disappointments. On multiple levels of my life. Seemingly the more I pray, trust, hope... beg. The worse it's become. Until I have come to a point where I am unable to do it anymore. Doubting my faith. Questioning my God.

To some degree, I have actually been afraid to write. Of what I might write. Catapulting from a spiritual high to an extreme low, is in itself a disappointing blow to me. 

I've come to a point where I don't want to go to church. Or do mentoring. Or pray. I don't want to talk about it anymore, because I am honestly sick to death of all the cliches: "God has something bigger, better planned for you. Everything will work out... in His time. There is a plan and a purpose with all of this"... I am tired of hearing how things are working out so perfectly for others - magically falling into place by some or other miracle. It all just seems so futile. Like some cruel, twisted joke. And even though I still read my Bible on most days, I find a disturbing feeling welling up inside of me. Silently, disdainfully scoffing at the message. Angry at God. Not believing a word. Because how do you believe when things just keep going from bad to worse?

I must say... I have been sufficiently chastised. From various angles. My husband. Friends. A sermon meant specifically for me. Because my attitude needs some serious revision. I need to see this as an opportunity to grow and learn. To quit feeling so damned sorry for myself. Making it all about me. Because it's not. 

In the end it's all about faith.

Granted - It is not always easy to have faith. Especially if you are trusting God for something that just does not seem to happen. And doesn't look like it is going to...

(Encouraging word by Priscilla Shirer - a mighty woman of God. Incredibly inspiring when I need a boost of faith)

called by name - part 1

Maybe it's just me, but for some reason every year as I am approaching yet another birthday, I find myself taking stock of my life. What I think I should have achieved in the year gone by. Where I should be in life. 

Comparing it to my reality. 

I suppose it is human nature to measure these things in material value. Compare yourself to others of similar age, background, education... To be honest - it can be extremely depressing. Demotivating. Disheartening.

So this year, as my birthday was drawing near towards the end of July, I found myself growing increasingly despondent. Feeling unhappy with my life. Another birthday - but still, in all appearances - in exactly the same place as the year before... And the year before...

Unfortunately for me - or maybe rather fortunately - God does not let you off the hook that easily. Sometimes He really has to make us uncomfortably aware of just how skewed we've had it.

And I have come to realize that this past year I have gained so much that can not be measured in material value. That is worth more than silver and gold (Psalm 119:72). Than money and luxury cars and expensive homes. 

During the week of my birthday I was blessed with such beautiful, inspiring scripture that spoke so directly to to me - right here in this place in my life - where I feel that I have fallen short of the world-that-we-live-in's standards. That it could only have been from a God who takes personal interest in us. In our heartaches and disappointments, our hopes and dreams. Even our feelings of insecurity and fear. 

A God who gives hope - when you feel that there is none. A God who cares enough to make you feel special on your birthday - in spite of your negative, ungrateful attitude. A God who loves you more than you would ever know.

hope in the Lord

Hope - in some ways, is very much like doubt. Small embers, glowing in the dark. Taking light, its flame slowing burning until it becomes a bright beam in the darkness.

Like a fire, it is beautiful to behold. Its warmth soothing on your skin. But when you come too close, it burns you. Out of control, it will consume you.

Hope can so easily be transformed into earth shattering disappointment. Anger. Resentment.

Unfounded. Misguided. Hope comes like a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Disguised as unanswered prayer. Hopelessness. Defeat.

The enemy is shouting in my mind: Where is this God that you believe in? He doesn't care about you! He doesn't even hear you! He is not going to answer your prayers. He has forsaken you! Does He even exist...? This God of yours. 

WHERE is He?!

Words, lies - flowing like tears.

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God! (Psalms 42:11 NLT)

the breakthrough

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

- Proverbs 4:23 NLT

Since we got married over two years ago (my husband much longer), we have been living in circumstances that - to me - are extremely challenging. Someone else might consider it a minor hurdle. But - to me - because of my personality, my upbringing, my background, the main source of my income, the very things that I value in life - it is one of the worst positions imaginable.

And - I want to state upfront - I have grown more spiritually than I ever have before - because of it. I am beyond grateful for this.

But. It has been an emotional roller-coaster. Very trying at times. Hard on my marriage.

At times I could live with it, in the hope that it would soon change. At times I have been at the very limit of my patience, no end anywhere in sight. At times - I have wanted to walk away. More than anything.

Each heart knows its own bitterness and no one else can fully share its joy.
- Proverbs 14:10 NLT

I am a firm believer that the worst experience an individual has had in their lifetime, is the worst that they know. Until something else comes along to dwarf the last known benchmark. 

Do not belittle it. Whatever it is.

Do not tell them that there is someone else worse off. You're not helping. On the contrary - you are just making them feel worse. Ungrateful. Believe me, they know this. There always is - deserved or not. They also know that there's always someone else much better off.

You can not know another person's hopes and dreams. You can not know their fears and challenges. Their experience. If you have not walked in their shoes.

You don't miss a thing

One night last week I went to bed with doubt in my heart. To me - it seems - that God is answering everyone's prayers but mine. And suddenly I am filled with doubt. Does God care about me? Why doesn't He change my circumstances when He can so obviously do it without any effort? Does He even know about me? About my life? My circumstances? Why doesn't He change it when I ask Him to?

And immediately I feel ashamed. Ashamed because I write this blog about faith and trust and belief. And still I doubt... And the enemy comes to kill and destroy. Whispering more words of doubt in my ear. Why do you even bother... You are just wasting your time. What difference does it make anyway?

As I was drifting off to sleep, I thought of people that have asked God for signs. And then more signs to prove that the first one was real. And I pray that He will give me a sign so that I will know that He will come through for me. That He will give me the breakthrough that I have been praying for - for so long. That He will increase my faith and trust and hope in Him.  

The next morning I woke up with words of a song You know me by Bethel Music (The Loft Sessions) playing in my mind: 

"And nothing is hidden from Your sight. Wherever I go, You find me. You know every detail of my life. And You are God. And You don't miss a thing. O, You know me..." 

"You memorize me." 

Doesn't that just say it all? It captures His great love for us.

And as the morning progresses, I get three messages, from three completely unrelated people. Saying that something that I wrote was meant for them. That it inspires them. That it somehow makes a difference to them. 

Whenever I have doubt in my heart about writing this blog, this is what happens - three messages from three individuals, communicated in three different ways. Surely - divine encouragement! God uses you (you know who you are) to encourage me too. Thank you! It means the world to me.

the desires of your heart

Some time ago, I started my day with the certainty that God does not give us hopes and dreams, just to make it unattainable for us. If he puts something on our hearts, he has meant to put it there. And it is something that we can dare to hope for. To trust for.

For some time now I have been walking around with this thought and thinking about what I actually want to write about it. Although I knew that there is something there, I was not quite sure what it is that I need to say on this subject... So I  decided to look up what scripture has to say about it.

This is what the Word of God says:

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.  (Psalm 37:4 AMP)

My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him. (Psalm 62:5 AMP) The Message says: Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.

The eyes of all look expectantly to You and You give them their food in due season. You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing. (Psalms 145:15, 16 NKJV)