A life of Purpose in a changed world.

By Marti-Mari Kellerman

We are living in a changed world.

In the space of a short few weeks the virus, that most of us have only heard about vaguely from other parts of the world, now the buzz word on everybody’s lips. There is barely a conversation where it is not mentioned. This plague, like some medieval horror from our worst nightmares, has spread like a wild fire. Consuming the entire world in its wake. Changing our realities. Instantaneously. Shaking the very core of our existence.

Human beings are strange creatures. Panic buying, stock piling and mass hysteria - suddenly at the order of the day. The air is thick with fear, anxiety and speculation. Words like "social distancing" and “self isolation" suddenly part of our daily vocabulary. We have been preparing for "lock-down". Yet we have no idea what it is that needs to be done. A concept so foreign, the very word making us scramble in panic. One only a rare few has ever had to fathom. Yet it now has the entire world in its grip.

This virus is showcasing the very worst of humanity. Selfishness. Greed. Paranoia. Fear. Ignorance.

And at the same time, the very best. We are seeing acts of extreme selflessness. Generosity. Unity. Hope. Faith.

It is 4:00 am. My 2,5 year old scrambles into bed beside me. She snuggles up close and falls asleep immediately. I don’t sleep well with them in my space. But today I don’t take her back to her own bed right away. Her even breathing calms my anxious thoughts. That same breathing terrifying me all at once...

I am terrified of what all of this means. Of the isolation we have to endure. Of being kept away from family and friends amidst this frightful time. The stress, uncertainty and frustration. Of being self-employed at a time like this. Of emotional distress, financial loss and economic failure. Of inadequate medical facilities, care, supplies and staff. Of a world that will be unrecognizable at the end of this. Of possibly not being there for the end of it. Or having to sacrifice a loved one to its horror.

Yet I am so very grateful. For loved ones: family and friends, even though we are apart. For my family that is with me, where I can hold them close. For my health and that of my children. For their warm little bodies in my arms. For a home filled with their love and laughter (and often crying and fighting). Of tight hugs and sloppy kisses. For the support of my spiritual and fitness families. For a home with space and all the amenities I could possibly need at a time like this. For a little bit of outdoor space and a glimpse of nature out there, blissfully unaware of how much (in the blink of an eye) it has all changed. For being able to see the sunrise, mountains and vineyards from my window. For the financial capacity to be prepared to some degree, even if means going into debt. For food on the table. For shelter and security. For being so much more fortunate than so many others out there, especially at a time like this. Where mere weeks ago it didn’t possibly seem enough. When I thought I had the world on my shoulders...

And my heart bleeds for those who are not as lucky. For the homeless and unemployed. For those who live in the townships and squatter camps. On top of each other, with no personal space. For those who live hand to mouth. And cannot afford to stay home without an income. For people who will not have food on the table or a safe place to live. For the children of the less advantaged. For those who will be completely alone or without support. For people in abusive, destructive relationships. Or in the midst of a horrible divorce. For those that will have to tolerate the unimaginable. For those whose health are already compromised. Or who falls under the “high risk categories”. For sick and vulnerable children. For the elderly. For our government and those making the hard decisions on our behalf. For healthcare and essential workers. For those who will get sick or have to be hospitalized. For the families who will be directly affected.

It is 6:30 am. My 5 year old crawls into bed with me. She is warm and sleepy beside me. Her body melts into mine. I hold her tight. Content in the moment... My youngest bursts into the room and wrestles for her space in the bed. For a few minutes we are packed tight like sardines in a can. My heart swells and expands. Bursting with love for my little people. And all is well in the world.

Social media has, in recent weeks, exploded like the virus itself. Nearly every single post paying tribute to this thing that is consuming the world. Some are positive and uplifting. Many are concerning or downright terrifying. Compounding our worries. Driving our anxieties. Fueling our fear.

One post in particular (source unknown) has stood out for me:

How great is our God. We're on lock-down by government arrangement from 26 March 2020 and the Bible verse Isaiah 26:20 says “Go home, my people and lock your doors! Hide yourself for a little while until the Lords’s anger has passed.”

The timing is surely His. Amazing!! The Lord commanded a lock-down during Passover in Egypt... when the Angel of death passed over the Israelites when protected by the blood of the lamb - Thursday the 16th of April is when Passover ends.

As you all know that's when our lock-down is lifted... 21 days is on April the 16th. God’s timing. Incredible. Amen and Amen! We are all protected. Stay at home. Be at peace. Our God is in control and He knows what He's doing. Thank You Heavenly Father!

The world is facing a war with an invisible, yet very deadly enemy. Satan has unleashed his powers of destruction on the earth. Yet he is not the all powerful one. Nor the omnipresent.

a new beginning

And so it is a new year...

A new beginning. A fresh start.

It is remarkable how - even though nothing really changes in the transition from December 31st to January 1st - we somehow feel refreshed. As if we have been given a new lease on life. We suddenly have new goals (for the same things), new energy (to tackle the same problems), new hope (for positive change in the same circumstances). We wait in hopeful anticipation of what the new year may bring.

When we have had a particularly rough year - like 2013 has been for many - we are especially eager to wave farewell to the old and expectantly welcome the new.

Even though I have just finished the new testament (and my NLT chronological Bible), I've decided to also start the new year with the new testament (this year taking on the Amplified Bible). After all, that is exactly what it represents: a new beginning, a fresh start. New life.

The very first chapter in the new testament (Matthew 1), describes the birth of Jesus - a promise fulfilled by God, representing the new covenant with His people. Offering a new beginning, a fresh start. Offering a new life to those who, unlike Herod, would accept Him as their Savior - the very meaning of His name (Jesus), also called Emmanuel - 

"God with us"

She will bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus [the Greek form of the Hebrew Joshua, which means Savior], for He will save His people from their sins [that is, prevent them from failing and missing the true end and scope of life, which is God]. All this took place that it might be fulfilled which the Lord had spoken through the prophet, "Behold, the virgin shall become pregnant and give birth to a Son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel–which, when translated, means, God with us." [Isa. 7:14.] (Matthew 1:21-23 AMP)

I would like to start this year having God-with-me. I want to walk it with my Savior, so that I will not miss God - the purpose of life.

Matthew fastforwards 30 odd years to the scene where Jesus is baptized in the Jordan by John the Baptist and the Spirit of God descends on Him. 

I have never noticed this before... In the last verse of Matthew 3, God proclaims His love for Jesus. But in the very next verse starting off Matthew 4, Jesus - led by the Spirit - is tested and tried by satan. Even though He is God's Beloved Son, in Whom He delights...

And behold, a voice from heaven said, This is My Son, My Beloved, in Whom I delight! [Ps. 2:7; Isa. 42:1.] (Matthew 3:17 AMP) THEN JESUS was led (guided) by the [Holy] Spirit into the wilderness (desert) to be tempted (tested and tried) by the devil. (Matthew 4:1 AMP)

Priscilla Shirer (One in a million: journey to your promised land)

called by name - part 2

As I was laying in bed this morning, listening to the rain pouring down - reluctant to start my day. To get up out of my warm and comfortable bed, to face the cold and wet. I considered that I haven't been very active in writing here lately. I have been going through an odd phase. Feeling that I am stagnating. Neglected, abandoned, forgotten.

The weather has not been helping. It's been a long, cold and wet winter. I haven't been able to go out walking with the dogs much - leaving them frustrated, as well as me. It is where I find my inspiration. It grounds me, gives me energy, gathers my spirit... If I do get a chance to take them for a walk though, they are so excited to be out. Dragging me along enthusiastically. The only thing I can focus on is not falling on my face on the slippery, muddy farm roads. 

I have also been reading the 24/7 Chronological Bible, which effectively means that I have been reading the old testament all year. Although I do think it is important to read, I have been struggling through Chronicles, Kings, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel... Which is overwhelmingly doom and gloom. Not easy reading. Not really lifting my spirits. I am starting to feel like the Israelites in their suffering. Punished, abandoned by God, banished from the promised land.

Recently, I have found myself - more than once - flipping through the remainder of my Bible to see when I will finally reach the new testament (as if it will somehow be sooner if I look more often). Considering that I may be backsliding into "the old testament view" of my religion. When people had to earn their salvation by the way they lived and behaved. Before Jesus came to save them from their misery.

But this morning I came upon one of the many gems in the old testament, in Ezekiel 34 (verses 11-24):

The prophet speaks about a God that will search, find and tend his sheep - Himself. A shepherd looking for his scattered flock. Rescuing them, feeding them, bringing them back home. Ending their suffering - not because they deserve it - but because He is a great and holy God (Ezekiel 36:22-24). Giving them good pastureland where they will lie down in peace, in pleasant places, feeding in lush pastures. Searching for the lost and strayed. Bandaging the injured and strengthening the weak. Giving them one shepherd to feed them and be a prince among them. Being their God.

It reminded me of this half written, almost forgotten post - that was meant to be part of called by name - part 1, but seemed to have a mind of its own, developing into a different message, with the same undercurrent. 

That we were each called by name.

called by name - part 1

Maybe it's just me, but for some reason every year as I am approaching yet another birthday, I find myself taking stock of my life. What I think I should have achieved in the year gone by. Where I should be in life. 

Comparing it to my reality. 

I suppose it is human nature to measure these things in material value. Compare yourself to others of similar age, background, education... To be honest - it can be extremely depressing. Demotivating. Disheartening.

So this year, as my birthday was drawing near towards the end of July, I found myself growing increasingly despondent. Feeling unhappy with my life. Another birthday - but still, in all appearances - in exactly the same place as the year before... And the year before...

Unfortunately for me - or maybe rather fortunately - God does not let you off the hook that easily. Sometimes He really has to make us uncomfortably aware of just how skewed we've had it.

And I have come to realize that this past year I have gained so much that can not be measured in material value. That is worth more than silver and gold (Psalm 119:72). Than money and luxury cars and expensive homes. 

During the week of my birthday I was blessed with such beautiful, inspiring scripture that spoke so directly to to me - right here in this place in my life - where I feel that I have fallen short of the world-that-we-live-in's standards. That it could only have been from a God who takes personal interest in us. In our heartaches and disappointments, our hopes and dreams. Even our feelings of insecurity and fear. 

A God who gives hope - when you feel that there is none. A God who cares enough to make you feel special on your birthday - in spite of your negative, ungrateful attitude. A God who loves you more than you would ever know.

the power of words

This post started out as something different altogether. Something a little less optimistic.

I am in a phase of my life where I often feel discouraged. Where - most of the time - life does not seem fair. Where things are not working out the way I had hoped.

When I am there - I tend to put a negative spin on things. I come up against a wall of bad news. Disappointments. Unanswered prayers. And no matter how hard I try to stay optimistic. To look on the bright side. To see some kind of silver lining or ray of light at the end of a dark tunnel... 
Some days, it is just really hard.

I find myself sinking into despair. Thoughts flashing in my mind - like a snake spitting venom. It stings. And like some trapped, scared little bird it flutters around anxiously. Agitated. Wreaking havoc. Threatening to spill out of my mouth in a string of dark words - once out, never to be taken back.

But it is then that I have to take care in what I do allow to come out of my mouth. It is during those times that we have to be really careful about what we say. 

I have been called out on it several times. I have been told to speak life. 

Only starting to realize the importance of what I say. The power of words. The damage they could cause.

As the saying goes - the pen is mightier than the sword. The same goes for the spoken word... So few people realize the consequences of what their words can do to themselves and others. Carelessly saying whatever they feel like. Whatever pops into their minds.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 NLT

(source unknown)

countless wonders

Creation. God's amazing masterpiece. What we see around us every day.

It is something I have been meaning to write about for some time. But it is such an awe inspiring, beautifully overwhelming thing. That I have found it hard to put the right words to it. Maybe because there are none. Human words can not grasp it.

My favourite time of day is just before the sun sets. Everything is bathed in hues of yellow and gold. Making the world appear soft and friendly. A happy place.

For years I didn't spend much time outdoors. I have an office job. And I am not sporty. So by default I don't get outside much. Since I have started walking our dogs however, I spend time in the same little part of nature on most days.

The thing that never ceases to amaze me is how different that little bit of world is from one day to the next. It changes. Constantly. Not one day is the same.

The backdrop is painted in different colours, with strokes of cloud and sky. Some days have flawlessly blue skies with sunshine enhancing the colour of every little detail. Other days are gloomy and dark, seeped in shades of gray, rain drenching the earth with its goodness.

"Both day and night belong to you; you made the starlight and the sun. You set the boundaries of the earth, and made both summer and winter." (Psalm 74:16-17 NLT)

Weather. Seasons. Birds. Animals. Even my state of mind. It all influences what that part of nature looks like. Sounds like. Feels like. And it is different. Every day.

And that is just looking from one individual's perspective, at one part of the day, in one tiny part of the world - as we know it. 

On one particular day, it is different from one hour to the next. Imagine the countless variations every day, at every hour, in every part of creation. Each day, each hour is a masterpiece. Created for our pleasure. And each of us experience it in our own unique way.

"The heavens are Yours, and the earth is Yours; everything in the world is Yours - You created it all. You created north and south." (Psalm 89:11-12 NLT)

rain down on me - part 1

As I mentioned in my last post, we have recently been on a vacation to Europe. And although it was an experience of a lifetime - as with many things in life - it did not quite turn out as we had hoped or planned...

The first week of our long anticipated trip was packed with exciting sights and experiences - we hardly touched ground, making it our mission to see every sight and do every thing humanly possible in the time available to us.

The second week however, was the main reason for our trip. It has been in the pipeline for more than a year and was to be at a much slower pace. It involved a barge trip with my family on the canals of the French winelands of Burgundy - to celebrate my mom's 60th birthday. We were hoping for good family bonding time, sunny spring weather, good food, good wine, maybe even a tan if we were lucky. As romantic as that sounds, unfortunately, we were not.

On top of icy cold weather (and an especially persistent sinus infection for me), the heavens opened up and poured down consistently for most of our week. We seem to have been somewhat over enthusiastic for the tourist season, that only starts in June, which meant that we found most of the shops and restaurants closed in the little French towns we visited. Before our very eyes, we saw the level of the water in the canals rising within days. 

As I had to spend most of my time inside the cabin of the boat, it felt as if I was missing out on the beautiful scenery and countryside. On an experience that I felt that I was owed somehow. At the time, I remember thinking, that it was just so typical of this phase of my life that I am in. Seemingly - a winter without end.

take the first step

In my last post I mentioned that I am reading The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer. Shortly after that post, I was reading a section in the book called Leaving a Godly legacy, in which she describes a scene from Deuteronomy in the Old Testament where Moses is trying to impress upon the Israelites the crucial decisions that they were faced with.

I thought that was a surprising coincidence after my recent post about Moses and the Israelites, when we struggle with doubt. But still, just a coincidence.

The very next day, I read that exact same scripture in Deuteronomy as part of my chronological Bible reading plan...

A little too much coincidence?

I think so. There must be a message in there for me...