We have been away for a couple of days over the Easter holidays. To take some time out of an already busy and challenging year. At the end of 2012 I had declared that 2013 was going to be my year - the year where things were going to start working out for us.
But I started the year feeling exhausted. And so far this year has been even harder than the last one.
This week was meant to be a week of rest and restoration. But nearing the end of our break, I am feeling even more exhausted than before. Feeling stressed and tired and discouraged. The results are wreaking havoc on my body - physically and emotionally.
The thing that set all of this into motion, was an unexpected blow that threatens the existence of a business venture of the past two plus years. A venture that demanded large measures of sacrifice, time, effort and a huge financial investment from my family. And it meant that I had to get out of my comfort zone.
A venture that was just starting to show the fruits of our efforts. And is now effectively going to die a swift death. With me on the losing side. And the duration and casualties of war still undetermined.
Arguably this is big. And it will have massive implications for me. It should be expected that it is going to have some kind of impact on me. But how I choose to deal with it is my decision... And it will - in the end - determine the outcome.
I am shocked at the complete ruthlessness and lack of compassion or mercy. The unfairness of it all. But I suppose that is the world we are up against...
Immediately I jump to conclusions and get tangled up in the what ifs and why me's. One dark thought runs into the next, until it - and all the other issues I have recently been dealing with - blend together into an ominous murky mess. And things that should have been long forgotten, resurface to claim their share of the carnage. Rock bottom is so much deeper than I had thought. And it catapults me back into fear and doubt. Turning my mind into a war zone of lost hopes and forgotten dreams.
Until a friend reminds me that God knows what He is doing. That He only wants to prosper us and not harm us. And to ask Him for wisdom in this situation.
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:5, 12 NLT
And as I am waking up from an afternoon nap with my husband and our dogs, I am reminded that when God closes one door, he always opens another. And He never gives us more than we can manage.
But God is faithful to His Word and to His compassionate nature, and He can be trusted not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will always also provide the way out, the means of escape to a landing place, that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently. 1 Corinthians 10:13 AMP
Another thing He reminds me of is the recent word I have been given:
Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you, wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9 NLT
Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT
And this morning the message from Hebrews 12:1-11 NLT:
Therefore... let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith... As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children... God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.
Title inspired by the name of the book Battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer.
