when we struggle with doubt

Doubt. A tiny bad seed that creeps in between the good, that grows and spreads. Consumes and destroys.

It is what makes us blow things up. Out if proportion. Unrealistically larger than life. It is what makes us worry and question and fear.

It is what made me wait two days before adding my last post. What made me question myself all over again for doing this. It is what makes me worry about the future and question God's timing. His promises. His presence.

I have been reading about Moses and the Israelites. And finding it excruciatingly frustrating. It is not my first attempt at trying to read about them - God's people. And I have given up on them more than once.

They got to experience miracle upon miracle, upon miracle firsthand. And still they doubted. A God that lead them out of slavery, poverty and captivity. A God that parted the seas and gave them manna out of heaven. A God that traveled in their midst by cloud and by fire.

God had to repeatedly tell them: "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, to be your God: I am the Lord your God." Numbers 15:41 NKJV

That says something about our nature, how little faith we have.

puppy love

I have often wondered what it would be like if we could be more like our dogs when it comes to our faith.

I know everyone out there are not dog people. To be honest, I don't get it. Yes, I know that they are a big responsibility. They bark, they are messy, they don't clean up after themselves. And don't even mention the hair!

But I love dogs. Two in particular. They are drawn to me - all shapes and sizes and breeds. I think they sense how much I adore them. For years I have had this deep longing to have one (or two) of my own. I just knew that it would change my life.

When I met my husband Waldo, I didn't think that he was my type, at first... Little did I know. But he had these two adorable border collies. They stole my heart before he did. Jasper was mine from the start - he is easy like that. Luka made me work for it - but now I am one of her select few. God knew my heart.

These dogs and I adopted each other. Absolutely.

wait on the Lord

I have been staring at the empty Home page for a while. What should I write? Now that I have set up the blog and made some small, insignificant changes here and there.

I guess I should start writing something now... I mean, that is what this is all about, right? Writing. Thoughts and ideas and hopes and dreams. Faith and promises and purpose and meaning. But also fears and worries. And things that scare us.

And I am a bit scared.

This morning I suddenly thought - Why am I doing this again? What will be the purpose of it? And, as undeniably human as I am, I can't help wondering what will other people think of this. Of me. What will my friends think? And people who don't know me?

Some people will definitely see me in a different light after this. Because of this. Better or worse. 

But that is just the risk I am going to have to take. To put myself out there. To take some time out of my day to write something here. Because I still feel the need to do it.

So here goes... My first attempt at blogging. At journaling: