It has always been easier for me to express myself in writing rather than verbally. Still, I have never been much good at journaling. And I have never really seen myself as "a writer".
In 2012 part of our church women's mentoring assignment was to journal. Every day. And to read the Bible. Daily.
For the first two months I found reasons why I couldn't possibly do it. Why I was too busy. Why I was too tired. Why I was just not in the right frame of mind. Why I wasn't a read-my-Bible-in-the-morning person. Or a read-my-Bible-in-the-evening person... (Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to). Until one day Elizabeth, one of the women in my group, asked me how it was going with my Bible reading. So I told her. She said that I was just making excuses, that I should stop and just do it.
Just like that, no sugar coating.
And she was right. Off course she was.
So, duely chastised, I started making it a priority. To read my Bible. Every day. Like our pastor's wife, Esthea says - it starts to become like breathing - you can't do without it! And it has been hard and some days I didn't want to. But in my experience, those were the days that I really needed to. Now I am not sure if I can do without it anymore.
My journaling was not as successful. I did not made a single entry in my mentoring journal for that year. Not one.
I always planned to get around to it. Eventually. Next week. When I have time. When I am more focused.
For possibly forever I have had this inkling, that maybe, one day, I should try some form of writing, or even blogging. Maybe I will like it. But really, where would I get the time? What do I have to say? What could I possibly offer? Who would read it??A vague idea started to form slowly when my friend Candi posted about her new blog on Facebook. So I read a couple of posts. Then the designer of my beautiful wedding stationary, Candice (also Candi), posted about her new blog. They are both enthusiastic self confessed daughters of Christ. One blog lead to the next, and the next, and the next... And every single one had the same theme running through it. Each one is written by a remarkably inspirational woman, who in her own unique way, is ministering about her faith.
So off course I thought - wow, I wish I could do that... After spending some time reading what these women have to say, I somehow feel less alone, better about where I am in my life. Right here, right now. It's going to be okay.
Yesterday while I was reading my Bible and feeling somewhat despondent, I prayed and asked for a Word from God - something, anything. Please talk to me Lord!
This is what I got:
But rise and stand on your feet; for I have appeared to you for this purpose, to make you a minister and a witness both of the things that you have seen and of the things that I will yet reveal to you. Acts 26:16 NKJV
A couple of weeks earlier at our church annual Vision Sunday, the message from our pastor was this: You have been born for a time such as this. Our God is able to accomplish infinitely, abundantly, immeasurably more than what we can ever ask for. We are to touch people's hearts through the heart of God in us. Our purpose on this earth? To make disciples by the way we are living our lives.
And this morning while I was out walking our dogs, it just all came together. This is what I have to do. This is what it all means. No more reasons why I can't. No more making excuses.
As a tiny spec in the sea of a multitude of blogs, pages, social media and websites, this blog could become completely lost - entirely for my own benefit, a way to finally journal about my time in the Word and to serve as a reminder of what God is saying to me about life right now. I don't know.
But if it could mean something to someone, even just one person out there, it would be worth it.
