I've heard that there are four external life events that are the most stressful, or traumatic, experiences that any human being will inevitably face in a lifetime.
1. The loss or death of a loved one
2. Divorce or breakup of a long term relationship
3. Moving house (or country)
4. Changing jobs or careers
Obviously there are many other things that could be just as traumatic - although probably not experienced by everyone. Some even more so (such as a multitude of health factors, financial loss or poverty, injury or accident, violence or crime, death...) But for the sake of my argument, let's just stick to those four, for the moment.
Five years ago, I experienced three of the four. In the space of a year. Some, more than once.
The failure of a seven year relationship set the wheels in motion. (Which to me, at the time, pretty much felt like someone dying). I moved three times, including country and continent. And back again. (Not counting a temporary move to my parents' house or the three friends whose couches and spare bedrooms I occupied temporarily on arrival in the UK). In the process I also changed jobs and started my own business.
To me, that had been the most difficult year of my life. In the aftermath - having tried dealing with it in my own way (and failing) - I was not coping too well and felt myself slipping into depression.
Five years later, considering this past year, I am confident that this last one had been harder. A completely different set of circumstances. Not nearly as life changing - on the contrary the lack of change, to a large extent, has been the main issue - it has been incredibly challenging.
Not yet quite ready to share all that has happened (and not happened) this year, I must admit, I've been a bit of an emotional wreck. Having said that, I am - amazingly - dealing with it much better than I did five years ago.
Not yet quite ready to share all that has happened (and not happened) this year, I must admit, I've been a bit of an emotional wreck. Having said that, I am - amazingly - dealing with it much better than I did five years ago.
I believe the major, crucial difference is faith.
Then - I went to church very infrequently. I didn't read my Bible or pray much. I had vague doubts about whether there really is a God or not. At the time, He just seemed like an abstract concept, very far removed from my life.
Now - having been on a spiritual journey for some time now, making a conscious effort to grow spiritually and experience my faith - it is just less daunting to deal with struggles and disappointment. Without letting it crush you. Less lonely. Even though it has been an emotional roller coaster, very trying at times - I am not depressed.
I would have thought that, given another set of similarly challenging circumstances, I would easily slip back into depression. Thinking about it now, though... the lack of it, is glaringly obvious. I find it very plausible to think that depression is often the natural human response, when various things on different levels of life, repeatedly do not work out the way you'd hoped. Especially if you don't really believe in anything. If you are not committed to your faith. If you have nothing to hold on to.
Our faith is a gauge that helps measure our overall well-being. Our coping mechanism. Our rock. A promise of better times. Expectation of an eventual positive outcome. Hope.
Hindsight often places things in context. (How wonderful it would have been to have the benefit of it in the midst of a current crises!) But - in retrospect - that phase of my life also came to and end (although it also felt like it never would). And I walked away - maybe a bit battered and bruised. But definitely stronger. Definitely wiser.
I wrote this a while ago, but wasn't quite sure about what my conclusion should be. Reading through Paul's letters to the churches in the New Testament, I came across his account in 2 Corinthians of the troubles they faced. Paul wrote:
"We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure... But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us... and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us." (2 Corinthians 1:8-10 NLT)
Times of challenge often make us more reliant and dependant on God. It draws us close to Him. It makes us place our faith in Him. In the confidence that He will come through for us.
Further into the letter (2 Corinthians 4:6-10, 17, 18 NLT), Paul says the following (which really does speak for itself):
"For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.
This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies...
For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."
