A life of Purpose in a changed world.

By Marti-Mari Kellerman

We are living in a changed world.

In the space of a short few weeks the virus, that most of us have only heard about vaguely from other parts of the world, now the buzz word on everybody’s lips. There is barely a conversation where it is not mentioned. This plague, like some medieval horror from our worst nightmares, has spread like a wild fire. Consuming the entire world in its wake. Changing our realities. Instantaneously. Shaking the very core of our existence.

Human beings are strange creatures. Panic buying, stock piling and mass hysteria - suddenly at the order of the day. The air is thick with fear, anxiety and speculation. Words like "social distancing" and “self isolation" suddenly part of our daily vocabulary. We have been preparing for "lock-down". Yet we have no idea what it is that needs to be done. A concept so foreign, the very word making us scramble in panic. One only a rare few has ever had to fathom. Yet it now has the entire world in its grip.

This virus is showcasing the very worst of humanity. Selfishness. Greed. Paranoia. Fear. Ignorance.

And at the same time, the very best. We are seeing acts of extreme selflessness. Generosity. Unity. Hope. Faith.

It is 4:00 am. My 2,5 year old scrambles into bed beside me. She snuggles up close and falls asleep immediately. I don’t sleep well with them in my space. But today I don’t take her back to her own bed right away. Her even breathing calms my anxious thoughts. That same breathing terrifying me all at once...

I am terrified of what all of this means. Of the isolation we have to endure. Of being kept away from family and friends amidst this frightful time. The stress, uncertainty and frustration. Of being self-employed at a time like this. Of emotional distress, financial loss and economic failure. Of inadequate medical facilities, care, supplies and staff. Of a world that will be unrecognizable at the end of this. Of possibly not being there for the end of it. Or having to sacrifice a loved one to its horror.

Yet I am so very grateful. For loved ones: family and friends, even though we are apart. For my family that is with me, where I can hold them close. For my health and that of my children. For their warm little bodies in my arms. For a home filled with their love and laughter (and often crying and fighting). Of tight hugs and sloppy kisses. For the support of my spiritual and fitness families. For a home with space and all the amenities I could possibly need at a time like this. For a little bit of outdoor space and a glimpse of nature out there, blissfully unaware of how much (in the blink of an eye) it has all changed. For being able to see the sunrise, mountains and vineyards from my window. For the financial capacity to be prepared to some degree, even if means going into debt. For food on the table. For shelter and security. For being so much more fortunate than so many others out there, especially at a time like this. Where mere weeks ago it didn’t possibly seem enough. When I thought I had the world on my shoulders...

And my heart bleeds for those who are not as lucky. For the homeless and unemployed. For those who live in the townships and squatter camps. On top of each other, with no personal space. For those who live hand to mouth. And cannot afford to stay home without an income. For people who will not have food on the table or a safe place to live. For the children of the less advantaged. For those who will be completely alone or without support. For people in abusive, destructive relationships. Or in the midst of a horrible divorce. For those that will have to tolerate the unimaginable. For those whose health are already compromised. Or who falls under the “high risk categories”. For sick and vulnerable children. For the elderly. For our government and those making the hard decisions on our behalf. For healthcare and essential workers. For those who will get sick or have to be hospitalized. For the families who will be directly affected.

It is 6:30 am. My 5 year old crawls into bed with me. She is warm and sleepy beside me. Her body melts into mine. I hold her tight. Content in the moment... My youngest bursts into the room and wrestles for her space in the bed. For a few minutes we are packed tight like sardines in a can. My heart swells and expands. Bursting with love for my little people. And all is well in the world.

Social media has, in recent weeks, exploded like the virus itself. Nearly every single post paying tribute to this thing that is consuming the world. Some are positive and uplifting. Many are concerning or downright terrifying. Compounding our worries. Driving our anxieties. Fueling our fear.

One post in particular (source unknown) has stood out for me:

How great is our God. We're on lock-down by government arrangement from 26 March 2020 and the Bible verse Isaiah 26:20 says “Go home, my people and lock your doors! Hide yourself for a little while until the Lords’s anger has passed.”

The timing is surely His. Amazing!! The Lord commanded a lock-down during Passover in Egypt... when the Angel of death passed over the Israelites when protected by the blood of the lamb - Thursday the 16th of April is when Passover ends.

As you all know that's when our lock-down is lifted... 21 days is on April the 16th. God’s timing. Incredible. Amen and Amen! We are all protected. Stay at home. Be at peace. Our God is in control and He knows what He's doing. Thank You Heavenly Father!

The world is facing a war with an invisible, yet very deadly enemy. Satan has unleashed his powers of destruction on the earth. Yet he is not the all powerful one. Nor the omnipresent.

seeing with perfect clarity

I have been quiet here for some time. It's not that I haven't wanted to write. Time has not been on my side. And before I knew it, a month had gone by. And then another. And another. I have been working on a couple of posts, but - for some reason - none of them seem to be quite finished yet. I have also been on a very steep spiritual learning curve (more on this later). But in the mean time, here is just a quick post - to get me started again.

As I am walking up the gravel road, the mist gathers ranks in front of my eyes. It is so thick that I can only see a couple of meters in front of me. It is cold and dark. I shiver. But I have to take the dogs for their morning walk before the rain comes...

I walk on, into the eerie beauty, as the mist closes in around me. It is so quiet. To all appearances, the world is still sleeping. Peaceful.

The mist looks tangible. I can even see the droplets of water gently gathering in the air. Clinging to every surface. Penetrating into every pore. Moving. Spreading. Alive. 

I think about something that I heard last night at the church prayer course that my husband and I are attending this week. It is written in the very beginning of Genesis:

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. (Genesis 1:1-2 NLT)

I imagine that this must have been what it was like... the Spirit of God, hovering. Even though there is no water in sight...

I am caught up in my own thoughts and imagination. Praying. Wishing that I could somehow capture this beauty. This moment. My thoughts and emotions about it. Praying. Feeling nostalgic. Sad that it is so fleeting. That no camera will ever really be able to reproduce exactly how I am envisioning this. That my words will not be able to do it justice. Praying. Trying to take in as much as possible. To make it a part of me. So that I won't forget.

I am thinking how I always seem to be wishing winter away. Maybe because I have labelled this phase of my life a winter season. Longing for summer to finally arrive! How ironic that God seems to be speaking to me so much clearer in the heart of winter...

is anything too hard or too wonderful for the Lord?

Every so often I read through some of my old blog posts. It reminds me of why I do this. Of the spiritual truths and revelations I have come across in my journey of faith. But it also assists in taking stock of my life. To me, it reads like an emotional and spiritual diary. Where I have come from, where I am now. Where I have backslided, where I have overcome.

Oh, I definitely have my favourites. Ironically, most of them, the hardest to write. Through the most challenging of times. 

There is decidedly a central theme running through most of my blog posts. I guess it is just the season I have been going through. I am hoping that this season is coming to an end. That this year, my blog posts will be a little less serious. A little more lighthearted. 

Less challenge and difficulty. More breakthrough and happiness.

But that doesn't mean that it should not be about faith. 

Life challenges test and try our faith. But they also extend and deepen it. It is where God's grace lifts us up, gives us the ability to endure, empowers us to overcome. 

And in happier times, we are filled with gratitude - looking back at where we have come from. In awe of God's faithfulness - that is so much more than we could have hoped or dared ask for. (Ephesians 3:20)

It makes me think of Abraham. For some reason I have had the father of our faith on my mind for months. I have been noticing how often he is mentioned throughout the Bible, especially in the new testament. This man must have been exceptional for him to be given that much exposure in the Word of God...

Abraham is such a powerful example of obedience and faithfulness to God in the face of incredible challenge, uncertainty and doubt. 

a new beginning

And so it is a new year...

A new beginning. A fresh start.

It is remarkable how - even though nothing really changes in the transition from December 31st to January 1st - we somehow feel refreshed. As if we have been given a new lease on life. We suddenly have new goals (for the same things), new energy (to tackle the same problems), new hope (for positive change in the same circumstances). We wait in hopeful anticipation of what the new year may bring.

When we have had a particularly rough year - like 2013 has been for many - we are especially eager to wave farewell to the old and expectantly welcome the new.

Even though I have just finished the new testament (and my NLT chronological Bible), I've decided to also start the new year with the new testament (this year taking on the Amplified Bible). After all, that is exactly what it represents: a new beginning, a fresh start. New life.

The very first chapter in the new testament (Matthew 1), describes the birth of Jesus - a promise fulfilled by God, representing the new covenant with His people. Offering a new beginning, a fresh start. Offering a new life to those who, unlike Herod, would accept Him as their Savior - the very meaning of His name (Jesus), also called Emmanuel - 

"God with us"

She will bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus [the Greek form of the Hebrew Joshua, which means Savior], for He will save His people from their sins [that is, prevent them from failing and missing the true end and scope of life, which is God]. All this took place that it might be fulfilled which the Lord had spoken through the prophet, "Behold, the virgin shall become pregnant and give birth to a Son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel–which, when translated, means, God with us." [Isa. 7:14.] (Matthew 1:21-23 AMP)

I would like to start this year having God-with-me. I want to walk it with my Savior, so that I will not miss God - the purpose of life.

Matthew fastforwards 30 odd years to the scene where Jesus is baptized in the Jordan by John the Baptist and the Spirit of God descends on Him. 

I have never noticed this before... In the last verse of Matthew 3, God proclaims His love for Jesus. But in the very next verse starting off Matthew 4, Jesus - led by the Spirit - is tested and tried by satan. Even though He is God's Beloved Son, in Whom He delights...

And behold, a voice from heaven said, This is My Son, My Beloved, in Whom I delight! [Ps. 2:7; Isa. 42:1.] (Matthew 3:17 AMP) THEN JESUS was led (guided) by the [Holy] Spirit into the wilderness (desert) to be tempted (tested and tried) by the devil. (Matthew 4:1 AMP)

Priscilla Shirer (One in a million: journey to your promised land)

treasure in fragile jars of clay

I've heard that there are four external life events that are the most stressful, or traumatic, experiences that any human being will inevitably face in a lifetime. 

1. The loss or death of a loved one

2. Divorce or breakup of a long term relationship

3. Moving house (or country)

4. Changing jobs or careers

Obviously there are many other things that could be just as traumatic - although probably not experienced by everyone. Some even more so (such as a multitude of health factors, financial loss or poverty, injury or accident, violence or crime, death...) But for the sake of my argument, let's just stick to those four, for the moment.

Five years ago, I experienced three of the four. In the space of a year. Some, more than once. 

The failure of a seven year relationship set the wheels in motion. (Which to me, at the time, pretty much felt like someone dying). I moved three times, including country and continent. And back again. (Not counting a temporary move to my parents' house or the three friends whose couches and spare bedrooms I occupied temporarily on arrival in the UK). In the process I also changed jobs and started my own business.

To me, that had been the most difficult year of my life. In the aftermath - having tried dealing with it in my own way (and failing) - I was not coping too well and felt myself slipping into depression. 

Five years later, considering this past year, I am confident that this last one had been harder. A completely different set of circumstances. Not nearly as life changing - on the contrary the lack of change, to a large extent, has been the main issue - it has been incredibly challenging.

Not yet quite ready to share all that has happened (and not happened) this year, I must admit, I've been a bit of an emotional wreck. Having said that, I am - amazingly - dealing with it much better than I did five years ago.

I believe the major, crucial difference is faith.

Then - I went to church very infrequently. I didn't read my Bible or pray much. I had vague doubts about whether there really is a God or not. At the time, He just seemed like an abstract concept, very far removed from my life.

Now - having been on a spiritual journey for some time now, making a conscious effort to grow spiritually and experience my faith - it is just less daunting to deal with struggles and disappointment. Without letting it crush you. Less lonely. Even though it has been an emotional roller coaster, very trying at times - I am not depressed.