Sunday 22 March 2015

seeing with perfect clarity

I have been quiet here for some time. It's not that I haven't wanted to write. Time has not been on my side. And before I knew it, a month had gone by. And then another. And another. I have been working on a couple of posts, but - for some reason - none of them seem to be quite finished yet. I have also been on a very steep spiritual learning curve (more on this later). But in the mean time, here is just a quick post - to get me started again.

As I am walking up the gravel road, the mist gathers ranks in front of my eyes. It is so thick that I can only see a couple of meters in front of me. It is cold and dark. I shiver. But I have to take the dogs for their morning walk before the rain comes...

I walk on, into the eerie beauty, as the mist closes in around me. It is so quiet. To all appearances, the world is still sleeping. Peaceful.


The mist looks tangible. I can even see the droplets of water gently gathering in the air. Clinging to every surface. Penetrating into every pore. Moving. Spreading. Alive. 


I think about something that I heard last night at the church prayer course that my husband and I are attending this week. It is written in the very beginning of Genesis:


In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. (Genesis 1:1-2 NLT)


I imagine that this must have been what it was like... the Spirit of God, hovering. Even though there is no water in sight...

I am caught up in my own thoughts and imagination. Praying. Wishing that I could somehow capture this beauty. This moment. My thoughts and emotions about it. Praying. Feeling nostalgic. Sad that it is so fleeting. That no camera will ever really be able to reproduce exactly how I am envisioning this. That my words will not be able to do it justice. Praying. Trying to take in as much as possible. To make it a part of me. So that I won't forget.

I am thinking how I always seem to be wishing winter away. Maybe because I have labelled this phase of my life a winter season. Longing for summer to finally arrive! How ironic that God seems to be speaking to me so much clearer in the heart of winter...



And suddenly, as I approach higher ground, the mist starts lifting. Slowly at first. Slight profiles and forms taking shape in the distance. Quickly becoming clearer. So fast now that I wish I could make time just slow down little. To savour the moment. Just a little longer. 

And suddenly it is gone. The midst that had - moments ago - filled my sight. Covered everything around me. Consuming everything in its path. Gone.

And I see the glow of sunrise behind the mountains. The promise of daybreak.

Leaving me with a quiet, yet profound revelation. Convinced that God had just spoken to me.

Saying that I can't always see what is ahead of me. I can't even always see what is around me. I let my circumstances cloud my judgement. Making me see the world with blinders on. Looking straight into it, unable to see beyond. 

But just a little further up the road, the mist will lift. It is so near... 

The shapes and forms of your life will come into focus. Becoming crystal clear. And you will see again. You will see the beauty that is your life. You will see where this journey has taken you. You will see the calling and the purpose that I have for your life. My call is irrevocable. (Romans 11:29)


I am vaguely reminded of this verse in the Bible that says we can't see everything clearly now. And when I look it up, it is perfect confirmation:

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. (1 Corinthians 13:12 NLT)

It can be just as quick as that. The things that are weighing me down. There one moment, but gone as quickly as mist disappearing in front of my eyes!

I walk home in a daze of thoughts and emotions. I shower and get ready for the day. When I leave, the mist lies dense and thick. Surrounding everything. 

As I drive to work, this one verse from my morning Bible study resonates with me:

...the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power. (1 Corinthians 4:20 NLT)

 It's all about Grace.