Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
- Proverbs 4:23 NLT
Since we got married over two years ago (my husband much longer), we have been living in circumstances that - to me - are extremely challenging. Someone else might consider it a minor hurdle. But - to me - because of my personality, my upbringing, my background, the main source of my income, the very things that I value in life - it is one of the worst positions imaginable.
And - I want to state upfront - I have grown more spiritually than I ever have before - because of it. I am beyond grateful for this.
But. It has been an emotional roller-coaster. Very trying at times. Hard on my marriage.
At times I could live with it, in the hope that it would soon change. At times I have been at the very limit of my patience, no end anywhere in sight. At times - I have wanted to walk away. More than anything.
Each heart knows its own bitterness and no one else can fully share its joy.
- Proverbs 14:10 NLT
I am a firm believer that the worst experience an individual has had in their lifetime, is the worst that they know. Until something else comes along to dwarf the last known benchmark.
Do not belittle it. Whatever it is.
Do not tell them that there is someone else worse off. You're not helping. On the contrary - you are just making them feel worse. Ungrateful. Believe me, they know this. There always is - deserved or not. They also know that there's always someone else much better off.
You can not know another person's hopes and dreams. You can not know their fears and challenges. Their experience. If you have not walked in their shoes.
You can not know another person's hopes and dreams. You can not know their fears and challenges. Their experience. If you have not walked in their shoes.
Although we are doing everything possible in our power to change our circumstances, the breakthrough remains elusive.
There are those that could improve our situation considerably. But they choose not to.
So, we are left with only God to look to. For us - He is the only One who can turn things around. What we need, is just short of a miracle. And - so far - He is not coming to our rescue either.
This. I find even harder. To keep on trusting, believing the promises. To keep on hoping, believing for the breakthrough. To keep on having faith, believing in a God who promises good things to those who believe in Him. Who promises to take care of them. To give them what they need.
To testify. Of His goodness. Of His faithfulness. Of His provision.
An endless cycle. Hoping. Waiting. Repeated disappointment.
I am worn out waiting for your rescue, but I have put my hope in your word. My eyes are straining to see your promises come true. When will you comfort me?
- Psalms 119:81, 82 NLT
And I feel like such an easy target. Satan likes to kick you when you are down.
But God's Word says:
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.
- 1 Corinthians 10:13 MSG
And through my tears, I am begging. I am there. I am at my limit. No more, please God. We need that breakthrough!
He promised: "I will provide. With me - all things are possible!"
And I have to believe:
